Posts tagged Why & How

Little Johnny’s new baby brother was screaming up a storm. …


Little Johnny's new baby brother was screaming up a storm. He asked his mom, "Where'd we get him?"

His mother replied, "He came from heaven, Johnny."

Johnny says, "WOW! I can see why they threw him out!"

Funny status messages for IM apps.


•I’m Not A Gynecologist But I’ll Take A Look.
•Even Your PokerFace Is Ugly
•I’m Not A Proctologist But I Know An Asshole When I See One
•A Little Birdie Told Me You’re A Dumbass
•Attention! Choking Hazard
•I Don’t Know You, But I’m Pretty Sure I Don’t LIke You.
•Why Are You Still Here? The Stupid People Left Hours Ago.
•Hit It And Quit It
•I Had Your Cake And Ate It Too
•No One Cares About Your Blog!
•Some Idiot Bought Me This Stupid Shirt For Christmas
•What Happens At The Trailer Park… Stays At The Trailer Park!
•If I Gave A Shit, You’d Be The First Person I’d Give It To.
•I’m Just Like You…Only Smarter and Better Looking
•There’s No “I” In Team And There Ain’t No “I” In “Go F Yourself” Either
•I Can Only Please One Person A Day. Today Isn’t Your Day
•Your Trailer Park Called…Their Trash Is Missing
•Your Village Called Their Idiot Is Missing
•Let’s Flip A Coin HeadsI get Tail Tails I Get Head.
•I’m Not Fluent In Idiot So Please Speak Slowly & Clearly
•Despite The Look on My Face You’re Still Talking?
•That’s Mr. Asshole To You
•If I Wanted to Hear From An Asshole I’d Fart
•Tell Me Again How Lucky I Am To Work Here (I Keep Forgetting)
•Your Results Came Back… It’s Not A Tumor.
•To Err Is Human To Blame Someone Else Shows Mgmt Potential
•Everyone Is Born Right Handed, Only The Gifted Overcome It
•I’m Not Santa (But Your Can Still Sit on My Lap)
•Are You Going To Eat That?
•Let Me Drop Everything & Work On Your Problem!
•Mess With Me You Mess With The Whole Trailer Park
•Don’t Rush Me I Get Paid By The Hour
•I’m Not An Alcoholic I’m A Drunk – Alcoholics Go To Meetings
•Wang the Dyslexic Guy Says Yuck Fou
•Don’t Take Life So Seriously. It Isn’t Permanent.
•4 Out Of 3 People Have Trouble With Fractions
•Remember, You’re Unique Like Everybody Else
•My Imaginary Friend Thinks You Have Serious Mental Problems
•This Is My Costume. Now Give Me The Damn Candy
•Alright, Already..I’m Sorry Unfuck You
•I’m Right 98% Of The Time. Who Gives A Crap About The Other 3%
•My Parents Said…I Could Be Anything I Wanted, So I Became Bn Asshole
•I Never Make Mistakes, I Thought I Did Once, But I Was Mistaken
•Here I Am Now What Are Your Other Two Wishes
•Who Are You and Why Are You Reading My Shirt
•Where The Hell Is Easy Street
•I Can See Your Point But I Still Think You’re Full Of Shit.
•I Would Do Me.
•I Drive Much Too Fast To Worry About Cholesterol!
•Yes, I Have Plenty Of Change You Homeless Piece Of Shit.
•Yes, My Shit Does Stink
•Dora the Whora
•No to Osama, Obama, and Chelsea’s Momma!
•Life’s a bitch. So don’t vote for one. Hillary Clinton.
•San Francisco Zoo / Tony The Tiger
•I Ride The Short Bus
•Can’t Beat The Parking
•I Beat Anorexia
•Rehab Is For Quitters
•Support Your Local Pole Workers
•The Only Mark I’ve Made in Life, Is In My Underwear
•Man Whore
•Dreams Do Come True
•Fu-K You in Sign Language
•Spelling Bee Runnor Up
•Will Turn Tricks For Treats
•Charles Manson
•”Being Crazy Meant Something”
•Rock Out With
•Your Cock Out
•Dyslexics Untie!
•Gun Control Means Using Both Hands
•It’s All Fun & Games ‘Til The Itching & Burning Starts
•I’m Hung Like A Black Man
•Crazy Enough For A Post Office Job
•Fish Naked Show Off Your Pole
•It’s 10 P.M. Do You Know Where Your Girlfriend Is?
•Doesn’t Play Well With Others
•My Butt Itches
•I’m Retired Go Around Me
•Work Harder Millions on Welfare Depend on it!
•I Love Country Music (Hillary Clinton Rebus Puzzle T-Shirt)
•No More Bushit!
•Restraining Orders Are Just Another Way Of Saying I Love You
•Department of Redundancy
•Some Days Its Not Even Worth Chewing Through The Restraints
•If A Man Speaks In The Forest, But There Is No Woman To Hear Him. Is He Still Wrong?
•Priests Rub Me The Wrong Way!
•Work For God The Retirement Benefits Are Great
•Jesus Loves You Everyone Else Thinks You’re An Asshole
•Jesus Loves You But I’m His Favorite
•T-Shirt For Dummies
•Fat People Are Hard To Kidnap
•Have A Nice Day
•Can’t Feed ‘Em? Don’t Breed ‘Em
•For English: Press 1, Para Espanol: Move To Mexico and Press 2
•Please tell your boobs to quit staring at my eyes
•Caution! This Person Makes Wide Right Turns
•Caution: Wide Load
•Sometimes I Wonder “Why Is That Frisbee Getting Bigger?”
•Don’t Tase Me, Bro!
•I’d Hit It…And Do Double Damage!
•Real Men Wear Pink
•Embarrassing My Children : Just One More Service I Offer
•I Survived Catholic School
•I’m Huge In Japan
•333 I’m Only Half Evil
•Slave To The Bean
•I’m Confused. No Wait & Maybe I’m Not
•This Is The Worst Day Of My Life Again
•I Eat Paste
•Employee Of The Month
•The Top Ten Reasons I Procrastinate 1.
•Say Hello To My Little Friend(Gnome Shirt)
•Fight The Power Let My People Rise (Gnome Shirt)
•Chillin With My Gnomies
•You Down With OPP? Yeah You Gnome!
•Off-Road Warrior(Golf Cart)
•That’s How I Roll!
•Golfers Handicapped
•All County Mailbox Baseball
•Grab Your Balls We’re Going Bowling
•It Takes A Lot Of Balls To Golf LIke I Do.
•Get Your Daily Dose Of Iron
•There are 3 kinds of people in this world. Those who can count and those who can’t.
•I Put Ketchup On My Ketchup
•I Love Redundancy
•For Good Luck Rub My Tummy
•Whatever It Is I Didn’t Do It
•I Found Jesus(He Was Hiding Behind the Sofa)
•I Used To Be Scizophrenic… But We’re OK Now.
•Who Are These People and Where is My Underwear?

Moon landing hoax?


YES I am dragging this one up again. I think most of us have seen the Moon Hoax documentary on FOX (if not here is a site about it and have an opinion on the topic. Here is mine.

Did we land on the moon? Maybe really it doesn’t matter to me whether we did or not. I think that much of the billions of dollars spent on space exploration is a waste of tax payers money considering the state of finance of the USA, and the many people that could benefit from that money would make life on earth more pleasant instead of looking for the answers to irrelevant questions some of which I have asked and answered below.

Q: Are we alone in the universe?
A: No and anyone that thinks that in the infinite expanse of the universe we are the only sentient beings is a completely self indulged idiot.

Q: Should we try and inhabit another planet?
A: After what we have done to this one, give me a break before we should look for another planet to inhabit we should probably try and live in harmony on the one we inhabit now.

Q: What if we found other life in the universe?
A: Um look at our track record we would likely try to force our opinions and beliefs on this new society and end up at war. So why bother looking for a fight across the universe when we haven’t finished killing each other at home.

The evidence put forth stating that that the landing is a hoax is pretty powerful, and honestly faking the landing to win some space race is something that is in the nature of human beings. We supposedly landed on the moon in 1969 thats almost 40 years ago, there should be a colony or space station there by now don’t you think? At least a hotel to boost the travel economy.

If NASA was really interested in stomping out the hoax without all the poo flinging that is going on between conspiracy theorists and the PR at NASA, just point a space telescope at the moon and show the world the flag that we left there. That would be irrefutable evidence that it is just a conspiracy because how the hell did the flag get there if Armstrong was not on the moon.

Could someone please put this conspiracy to rest?
P.S. I am not against space exploration I believe the study of the universe is a great tool to learn and a reminder of just how small we really are. But much of the money is wasted on spying on each other instead of say building a science station on the moon and launching all space missions from there. Wow that would save a lot on rocket fuel if we launched missions into deep space from the moon wouldn’t we?

Dragonlance(2008) Movie Review


Well the much anticipated release of Dragonlance – Dragons of Autumn Twilight was On Jan 15th. I have finally had a chance to see it. Here is my review of the film (no spoilers).

Casting – The major members of the party are the only ones that I will be rating.

Michael Rosenbaum – Tanthalas ‘Tanis’ Half-Elven (voice) Rating – 3/5
Kiefer Sutherland – Raistlin Majere (voice) – Rating 5/5
Lucy Lawless – Goldmoon (voice) – Rating 4/5
Fred Tatasciore – Flint Fireforge / Fewmaster Toede (voice) Flint Rating 1/5 Fewmaster Rating 4/5
Michelle Trachtenberg – Tika (voice) – Rating 3/5
Rino Romano – Caramon Majere (voice) – Rating 0/5 WTF Someone had a brain fart here.
Jason Marsden – Tasslehoff Burrfoot (voice) – Rating 3/5
Neil Ross – Fizban The Fabulous (voice) – Rating 2/5
Marc Worden – Sturm Brightblade (voice) – Rating 2/5
Phil LaMarr – Riverwind / Gilthanas (voice) – Rating 3/5

The Good

Finally there is a release of a movie based on a book that kept so true to the story. The unfortunate thing with this movie is that the rest of the production did not live up to the potential of the story. Here are the reasons for the previous statement.

The Bad

  1. Poor blend of 3D and traditional animation styles. This is a tricky method of producing a film and this one was just not done right. The stylized characters did not match the CG Draconians and Dragons in the film.
  2. Awkward animation, very jerky and not fluid. With todays technology including motion-capture and photo realistic rendering It’s disappointing that a story with such potential ended up looking the way this production did. It looked like animation from the 80’s reminiscent of the original LOTR Cartoon.
  3. Poor camera work and angles. This stems back to the poor blend of 2D and 3D animation techniques. With 3D techniques there is no limit to the work with the camera. Why this production did not make use of the available technology today is beyond me.
  4. Poor selection of music for the score, not much else I can say about that.
  5. Acting, with the list of actors in the movie I would have expected better voice acting. It seemed like the actors had no emotional bond with the characters. Very much like reading from a script and not living the part.

Overall I have to fail this movie considering the era of its release. If released in the 80’s this movie might have been acceptable but as an animator and artist myself I am extremely disappointed in the production quality of the film. I was hoping for so much more 🙁

Useless Facts Part.3


Useless facts Part.3

• The liquid inside young coconuts can be used as a substitute for blood plasma.
• No piece of paper can be folded in half more than seven! (7) times.
• Donkeys kill more people annually than plane crashes.
• You burn more calories sleeping than you do watching television.
• Oak trees do not produce acorns until they are fifty (50) years of age or older.
• The liquid inside young coconuts can be used as a substitute for blood plasma.
• No piece of paper can be folded in half more than seven! (7) times.
• Donkeys kill more people annually than plane crashes.
• You burn more calories sleeping than you do watching television.
• • Oak trees do not produce acorns until they are fifty (50) years of age or older.
• The first product to have a bar code was Wrigley”s gum.
• The king of hearts is the only king without a mustache.
• American Airlines saved $40,000 in 1987 by eliminating one (1) olive from each salad served in first-class.
• Venus is the only planet that rotates clockwise.(Since Venus is normally associated with women what does this tell you!)
• Apples, not caffeine, are more efficient at waking you up in the morning.
• Most dust particles in your house are made from dead skin.
• The first owner of the Marlboro Company died of lung cancer. So did the first “Marlboro Man.”
• Walt Disney was afraid of mice.
• Pearls melt in vinegar.
• The three most valuable brand names on earth: Marlboro, Coca Cola, and Budweiser, in that order.
• It is possible to lead a cow upstairs…but not downstairs.
• A duck”s quack doesn”t echo, and no one knows why.
• Dentists have recommended that a toothbrush be kept at least six (6) feet away from a toilet to avoid airborne particles resulting from the flush. (I keep my toothbrush in the living room now!)
• Richard Millhouse Nixon was the first U.S. president whose name contains all the letters from the word “criminal.” The second ? William Jefferson Clinton (Please don”t tell me you”re SURPRISED!?!!)
• And the best for last….. Turtles can breathe through their butts.(I know some people like that; don”t YOU?)
• The king of hearts is the only king without a mustache.
• American Airlines saved $40,000 in 1987 by eliminating one (1) olive from each salad served in first-class.
• Venus is the only planet that rotates clockwise.(Since Venus is normally associated with women what does this tell you!)
• Apples, not caffeine, are more efficient at waking you up in the morning.

Five Corporate Lessons



Corporate Lesson 1
A man is getting into the shower just as his wife is finish ing up her shower when the doorbell rings. The wife quickly wraps herself in a towel and runs downstairs. When she opens the door, there stands Bob, the next door neighbor. Before she says a word, Bob says, “I’ll give you $800 to drop that towel.” After thinking for a moment, the woman drops her towel and stands naked in front of Bob. After a few seconds, Bob hands her $800 dollars and leaves. The woman wraps back up in the towel and goes back upstairs. When she gets to the bathroom, her husband asks, “Who was that?” “It was Bob the next door neighbor,” she replies. “Great!” the husband says, “Did he say anything about the $800 he owes me?”

Moral of the story: If you share critical information pertaining to credit and risk with your shareholders in time, you may be in a position to prevent avoidable exposure..

Corporate Lesson 2
A priest offered a lift to a Nun. She got in and crossed her legs, forcing her gown to reveal a leg. The priest nearly had an accident. After controlling the car, he stealthily slid his hand up her leg. The nun said, “Father, remember Psalm 129?” The priest removed his hand. But, changing gears, he let his hand slide up her leg again. The nun once again said, “Father, remember Psalm 129?” The priest apologized “Sorry sister but the flesh is weak.” Arriving at the convent, the nun went on her way. On his arrival at the church, the priest rushed to look up Psalm 129. It said, “Go forth and seek, further up, you will find glory.”
Moral of the story: If you are not well informed in your job, you might miss a great opportunity.

Corporate Lesson 3
A sales rep, an administration clerk, and the manag er are walking to lunch when they find an antique oil lamp. They rub it and a Genie comes out. The Genie says, “I’ll give each of you just one wish.” “Me first! Me first!” says the admin. clerk. “I want to be in the Bahamas, driving a speedboat, without a care in the world.” Poof! She’s gone. “Me next! Me next!” says the sales rep. “I want to be in Hawaii, relaxing on the beach with my personal masseuse, an endless supply of Pina Coladas and the love of my life.” Poof! He’s gone. “OK, you’re up,” the Genie says to the manager. The manager says, “I want those two back in the office after lunch.”
Moral of the story: Always let your boss have the first say.

Corporate Lesson 4
A crow was sitting on a tree, doing nothing all day. A rabbit asked him, “Can I also sit like you and do nothing all day long?” The crow answered: “Sure, why not.” So, the rabbit sat on the ground below the crow, and rested. A fox jumped on the rabbit and ate it.
Moral of the story: To be sitting and doing nothing, you must be sitting very high up.

Corporate Lesson 5

A turkey was chatting with a bull. “I would love to be able to get to the top of that tree,” sighed the turkey, but I haven’t got the energy.” “Well, why don’t you nibble on my droppings?” replied the bull. “They’re packed with nutrients.” The turkey pecked at a lump of dung and found that it gave him enough strength to reach the lowest branch of the tree. The next day, after eating some more dung, he reached the second branch. Finally after a fourth night, there he was proudly perched at the top of the tree. Soon he was spotted by a farmer, who shot the turkey out of the tree.
Moral of the story: Bullshit might get you to the top, but it won’t keep you there.

Kid & His Chemistry Set


Chemistry Set
A father came home and asked where his son was. His wife replied that he was downstairs playing with his new chemistry set. The father was curious, so he wandered downstairs to see what his son was doing. As he walked down the steps, he heard a banging sound. When he got to the bottom he saw his son pounding a nail into the wall. He said to his son, “What are you doing? I thought you were playing with your chemistry set. Why are you hammering a nail into the wall?”

His son replied, “This isn’t a nail, Dad, it’s a worm. I put these chemicals on it and it became as hard as a rock.”

His dad thought about it for a minute and said, “I’ll tell you what, Son, give me those chemicals and I’ll give you a new Volkswagon.”

His son quite naturally said, “Sure why not.”

The next day his son went into the garage to see his new car. Parked in the garage was a brand new Mercedes. Just then his dad walked in. He asked his father where his Volkswagon was. His dad replied, “It’s right there behind the Mercedes. By the way, the Mercedes is from your mother.”

Protect your Kids…


After tossing her books on the sofa, she decided to grab a snack and get on-line. She logged on under her screen name ByAngel213. She checked her Buddy List and saw GoTo123 was on. She sent him an instant message:

Hi. I’m glad you are on! I thought someone was following me home today. It was really weird!

LOL You watch too much TV. Why would someone be following you?
Don’t you live in a safe neighborhood?

There was a boy standing on a corner selling fish. …


There was a boy standing on a corner selling fish.

He was saying, "Dam fish for sale, dam fish for sale."

A preacher walked up and asked why he was calling them dam fish.

The kid said, "I caught them at the dam, so they're dam fish."

The preacher bought some, took them home and asked his wife to cook the dam fish.

His wife looked at him in bewilderment and said, "Preachers aren't supposed to talk like that."

The preacher explained why they were dam fish, and she agreed to cook them. When dinner was ready and everyone was sitting down, the preacher asked his son to pass him the dam fish.

His son replied, "That's the spirit dad. Pass the fucking potatoes!"

Larry gets home late one night and his wife, …


Larry gets home late one night and his wife, Linda, says, "Where in the hell have you been?"

Larry replies, "I was out getting a tattoo."

"A tattoo?" she frowned. "What kind of tattoo did you get?"

"I got a hundred dollar bill on my privates," he said proudly.

"What the hell were you thinking?" she said, shaking her head in disdain. "Why on earth would an accountant get a hundred Dollar bill tattooed on his privates?"

"Well, one, I like to watch my money grow. Two, once in a while I like to play with my money. Three, I like how money feels in my hand. And, lastly, instead of you going out shopping, you can stay right here at home and blow a hundred bucks anytime you want."

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