Posts tagged jokes

Meme guess I should do one…

Jan 25th

Posted by MPC in Personal

No comments

I normally hate these things but I guess I should do one or two just to pay homage to them.
  1. Where is your cellphone? On The Counter downstairs
  2. Where is your significant other? Beside Me
  3. Your hair color? Dark Brown.
  4. Your family? Spit into two group Welcome and Not welcome.
  5. Who you miss the most? My old cat Tally.
  6. Your favorite thing? Boobs.
  7. Your dream last night? I took a sedative last no dreams just good sleep.
  8. Your dream/goal? Domination of the internet world The ultimate .dot com Mogul.
  9. The room you’re in? Right now my bedroom
  10. Your hobby? Computers, Gaming, Golfing, Radio Control Models, Cars, Graphic Design.
  11. Your fear? Regection, Ridicule, Failure
  12. Where do you want to be in six years? Hawaii.
  13. Where were you last night? Doing accounting in bed.
  14. What you’re not? Tolerant of stupid, Fat, Completely Sane and people that lack common sense.
  15. One of your wish list items? . Lexus IS F
  16. Where you grew up? England, Winnipeg, Ontario
  17. The last thing you did? Accounting.
  18. What are you wearing? Silk Boxers.
  19. Your TV? 42″ Samsung Plasma, 37″ Sharp LCD, 120″ Projector screen.
  20. Your pet? YokiPoo Milo well hes really my wifes dog but I’m Kinda attached.
  21. Your computer? I have too many. QuadcoreExtreme2.66ghz 8GB DDDR2 8800GTX 74GB Raptor Drive, Fujitsu6025 Laptop, Alienware M17 Laptop,  Assorted others.
  22. Your mood? Driven, Focused
  23. Missing someone? Not at the moment.
  24. Your car? 2000 Honda Civic EX B16A JDM, 2.25 Stainless Exhasut VAFC2 Lowered 17″ Rims and more…
  25. Something you’re not wearing? Socks, Shirt, Pants
  26. Favorite store? Edge Computers, Ebay
  27. Your summer? Usually busy.
  28. Love someone? yes My wife and kids.
  29. Your favorite color? Black, White, Yellow, Blue, Green.
  30. The last time you laughed? This morning.
  31. The last time you cried? Can’t remember.
And Here is the other one I figured I would fill out.
  1. I am quite possibly addicted to Computers and Toys & Boobs.
  2. I shudder when I fall sleep. Scares the S**T out of my wife I litterally shutter like a massive hickup just as I fall into REM sleep. So I am told
  3. When I was a sales manager at a retail store I used to sit in the back with the other managers and make fun of the stupid people that would complain the most about things their fault.
  4. I enjoy watching Discovery HD a channel dedicated to Geeks.
  5. I knew I was in love with boobs the first time I saw one (I know I know it is what it is)
  6. I cannot stop thinking about work and the future.
  7. I hate stupid and ignorant people they drive me up the wall especially when I have to deal with them.
  8. The closest thing to porn that I own is the DVD of “Original Sin”.
  9. When I am bored and alone sometimes I Google myself.
  10. I drink close to 3L of water each day. I am always thirsty, but test negative for diabetes.
Feel free to copy these meme’s on your own blog thats how I found them…
, , , , , , , ,

Life and 2 cups of coffee

Jul 21st

Posted by MPC in Humour & Jokes

1 comment

The Mayonnaise Jar and 2 Cups of Coffee

When things in your life seem almost too much to handle, when 24 hours in a day are not enough, remember the mayonnaise jar and the 2 cups of coffee.

A professor stood before his philosophy class and had some items in front of him When the class began, he wordlessly picked up a very large and empty mayonnaise jar and proceeded to fill it with golf balls. He then asked the students if the jar was full. They agreed that it was.

The professor then picked up a box of pebbles and poured them into the jar He shook the jar lightly. The pebbles rolled into the open areas between the golf balls. He then asked the students again if the jar was full. They agreed it was.

The professor next picked up a box of sand and poured it into the jar. Of course, the sand f illed up everything else. He asked once more if the jar was full. The students responded with an unanimous “yes.”

The professor then produced two cups of coffee from under the table and poured the entire contents into the jar effectively filling the empty space between the sand. The students laughed.

“Now,” said the professor as the laughter subsided, “I want you to recognize that this jar represents your life. The golf balls are the important things—your family, your children, your health, your friends and your favorite passions—and if everything else was lost and only they remained, your life would still be full.

The pebbles are the other things that matter like your job, your house and your car.

The sand is everything else—the small stuff. “If you put the sand into the jar first,” he continued, “there is no room for the pebbles or the golf balls. The same goes for life. If you spend all your time and energy on the small stuff you will never have room for the things that are important to you.
“Pay attention to the things that are critical to your happiness. Spend time with your children. Spend time with your parents. Visit with grandparents. Take time to get medical checkups. Take your spouse out to dinner. Play another 18. There will always be time to clean the house and fix the disposal. Take care of the golf balls first—the things that really matter. Set your priorities. The rest is just sand.”

One of the students raised her hand and inquired what the coffee represented. The professor smiled and said, “I’m glad you asked.”

The coffee just shows you that no matter how full your life may seem, there’s always room for a couple of cups of coffee with a friend.”

, , , , ,

Great new words – Websters needs to update.

Jul 4th

Posted by MPC in Humour & Jokes

No comments

The Washington Post’s Mensa Invitational once again asked readers to take any word from the dictionary, alter it by adding, subtracting, or changing one letter, and supply a new definition.
Here are this year’s winners. Read them carefully. Each is an artificial word with only one letter altered to form a real word. Some are terrifically innovative:

  1. Intaxication : Euphoria at getting a tax refund, which lasts until you realize it was your money to start with.
  2. Reintarnation : Coming back to life as a hillbilly.
  3. Bozone (n.): The substance surrounding stupid people that stops bright ideas from penetrating. The bozone layer, unfortunately, shows little sign of breaking down in the near future.
  4. Cashtration (n.): The act of buying a house, which renders the subject financially impotent for an indefinite period.
  5. Giraffiti : Vandalism spray-painted very, very high.
  6. Sarchasm : The gulf between the author of sarcastic wit and the person who doesn’t get it.
  7. Inoculatte : To take coffee intravenously when you are running late.
  8. Hipatitis : Terminal coolness.
  9. strong>Osteopornosis : A degenerate disease. (This one got extra credit.)
  10. Karmageddon : It’s like, when everybody is sending off all these really bad vibes, right? And then, like, the Earth explodes and it’s, like, a serious bummer.
  11. Decafalon (n.): The gruelling event of getting through the day consuming only things that are good for you.
  12. Glibido: All talk and no action.
  13. Dopeler effect: The tendency of stupid ideas to seem smarter when they come at you rapidly.
  14. Arachnoleptic fit(n.): The frantic dance performed just after you’ve accidentally walked through a spider web.
  15. Beelzebug (n.): Satan in the form of a mosquito, that gets into your bedroom at three in the morning and cannot be cast out.
  16. Caterpallor (n.): The color you turn after finding half a worm in the fruit you’re eating.

And
The #1 pick:

17. Ignoranus : A person who’s both stupid and an asshole.

, , , ,