WD-40 been around before, but good info.

The product began from a search for a rust preventative solvent and degreaser to protect missile parts. WD-40 was created in 1953 by three technicians at the San Diego Rocket Chemical Company. Its name comes from the project that was to find a “water displacement” compound. They were successful with the fortieth formulation, thus WD-40.

The Corvair Company bought it in bulk to protect their Atlas missile parts. The workers were so pleased with the product, they began smuggling (also known as “shrinkage” or “stealing”) it out to use at home. The executives decided there might be a consumer market for it and put it in aerosol cans. The rest, as they say, is history.

It is a carefully guarded recipe known only to four people. Only one of them is the “brew master.” There are about 2.5 million gallons of the stuff manufactured each year. It gets it’s distinctive smell from a fragrance that is added to the brew. Ken East (one of the original founders) says there is nothing in WD-40 that would hurt you.

Here are some of the uses:

*Protects silver from tarnishing
*Cleans and lubricates guitar string
*Gets oil spots off concrete driveways
*Gives floors that ‘just-waxed’ sheen without making it slippery
*Keeps flies off cows - animals
*Restores and cleans chalkboards
*Removes lipstick stains
*Removes stains from stainless steel sinks
*Removes dirt and grime from the barbecue grill
*Keeps ceramic/terra cotta garden pots from oxidizing
*Removes tomato stains from clothing
*Keeps glass shower doors free o f water spots
*Camouflages scratches in ceramic and marble floors
*Keeps scissors working smoothly
*Gives a children’s play gym slide a shine for a super fast slide
*Lubricates gear shift and mower deck lever for ease of handling on riding mowers
*Lubricates tracks in sticking home windows and makes them easier to open
*Spraying an umbrella stem makes it easier to open and close
*Restores and cleans padded leather dashboards in vehicles, as well as vinyl bumpers
*Restores and cleans roof racks on vehicles
*Lubricates and stops squeaks in electric fans
*Lubricates wheel sprockets on tricycles, wagons and bicycles for easy handling
*Lubricates fan belts on washers and dryers and keeps them running smoothly
*Keeps rust from forming on saws and saw blades, and other tools
*Removes splattered grease on stove
*Keeps bathroom mirror from fogging
*Lubricates prosthetic limbs
*Keeps pigeons off the balcony (they hate the smell)
*Removes all traces of duct tape
*I have even heard of folks spraying it on their arms, hands, and knees to relieve arthritis pain.
*Cleans and removes love bugs from grills and bumpers
*The favorite use in the state of New YorkWD-40 protects the Statue of Liberty from the elements.
*WD-40 attracts fish. Spray a LITTLE on live bait or lures and you will be catching the big one in no time. Also it’s a lot cheaper than the chemical attractants that are made for just that purpose. Keep in mind though, using some chemical laced baits or lures for fishing are not allowed in some states.
*Use it for fire ant bites It takes the sting away immediately, and stops the itch.
*WD-40 is great for removi ng crayon from walls. Spray on the mark and wipe with a clean rag.
*Also, if you’ve discovered that your teenage daughter has washed and dried a tube of lipstick with a load of laundry, saturate the lipstick spots with WD-40 and rewash. Presto! Lipstick is gone!
*If you sprayed WD-40 on the distributor cap, it would displace the moisture and allow the car to start.(If I knew what a distributor cap was, it might help)
*WD-40, long known for its ability to remove leftover tape mung (sticky label tape), is also a lovely perfume and air freshener! Sprayed liberally on every hinge in the house, it leaves that distinctive clean fresh scent for up to two days!
*Seriously though, it removes black scuff marks from the kitchen floor!
*Use WD-40 for those nasty tar and scuff marks on flooring. It doesn’t seem to harm the finish and you won’t have to scrub nearly as hard to get them off.
*Just remember to open some windows if you have a lot of marks.
*Bug guts will eat away the finish on your car if not removed quickly! Use WD-40!

Ultimate Complaint Letter

If you ever have cause to complain to a company, by all means copy and paste this

Dear Cretins,I am writing to complain about the appalling way in which my recent claim was handled by you.
From your company, I have encountered inadequacy of service which I had not previously considered possible, as well as ignorance and stupidity of monolithic proportions. Please allow me to provide specific details, so that you can either pursue your professional prerogative, and seek to rectify these difficulties - or more likely (I suspect) so that you can have some entertaining reading materials as you while away the working day smoking B&H and drinking vendor-coffee on the bog in your office. Firstly, it took me an hour to get through to your useless department, only to be told that I had to call ANOTHER insurance company, Royal and Sun Alliance as they were the ones who would be dealing with my claim. I duly called Royal and Sun Alliance, only to be told by them that they were sick to the back teeth of you doing this and that it was YOU who were supposed to deal with my claim. I sat on my fat arse for a further 2 hours listening to your infuriating hold music, and the even more annoying Scottish robot woman telling me to look at your helpful website and that my call was important to her. I alleviated the boredom to some small degree by playing with my testicles for a few minutes, an activity at which you are no-doubt both familiar and highly adept.

I finally got through to your no-help line, and have been unhelpfully transferred to a variety of disinterested individuals, who are it seems also highly skilled bollock jugglers. I have been informed that you ARE the ones dealing with my claim (and someone will call me back), that you ARE NOT the ones dealing with my claim (and someone will call me back), that I will be transferred to someone who knows whether or not you are dealing with my claim (and then been cut off), that I will be transferred to someone who knows whether or not you are dealing with my claim (and then been redirected to an answer machine informing me that your office is closed), that I will be transferred to someone who knows whether or not you are dealing with my claim (and then been redirected to the irritating Scottish robot woman)…. and several other variations on this theme.

Doubtless you are no-longer reading this letter, as you have at least a thousand other dissatisfied customers to ignore, and also another one of those crucially important testicle moments to attend to.

Frankly I don’t care, it’s far more satisfying as a customer to voice my frustrations in print than to shout them at your unending hold music.

Forgive me, therefore, if I continue.

I thought AutoDirect were shit, that they had attained the holy piss-pot of god-awful customer relations, that no-one, anywhere, ever, could be more disinterested, less helpful or more obstructive to delivering service to their customers.

How surprised I therefore was, when I discovered to my considerable dissatisfaction and disappointment what a useless shower of bastards you truly are. You are sputum-filled pieces of distended rectum - incompetents of the highest order. AutoDirect - wankers though they are - shine like brilliant beacons of success, in the filthy puss-filled mire of your seemingly limitless inadequacy.

Suffice to say that I have now given up on my futile and foolhardy quest to receive any kind of service from you. I suggest that you do likewise, and cease any potential future attempts to extort payment from me for the services which you have so pointedly and catastrophically failed to deliver - any such activity will be greeted initially with hilarity and disbelief - although these feelings will quickly be replaced by derision, and even perhaps a small measure of bemused rage.

I enclose two small deposits, selected with great care from my friend’s cat litter tray, as an expression of my utter and complete contempt for both you, and your pointless company. I sincerely hope that they have not become desiccated during transit - they were satisfyingly moist at the time of posting, and I would feel considerable disappointment if you did not experience both their rich aroma and delicate texture. Consider them the very embodiment of my feelings towards Touchline, and it’s worthless employees.

Have a nice day - may it be the last in you miserable short life, you irritatingly incompetent and infuriatingly unhelpful bunch of twats.

Yours psychotically,
BC

Application for Permission to Date my Daughter

NOTE: This application will be incomplete and rejected unless accompanied by a complete financial statement, job history, lineage, and current medical report from your doctor.

NAME_____________________________________ DATE OF BIRTH___________

HEIGHT___________ WEIGHT____________ IQ__________ GPA_____________

SOCIAL SECURITY #_________________ DRIVERS LICENSE #_________________

BOY SCOUT RANK AND BADGES_________________________________________

HOME ADDRESS_______________________ CITY/STATE___________ ZIP______

Do you have parents? ___Yes ___No

Is one male and the other female? ___Yes ___No

If No, explain:

__________________________________________________________________

Number of years they have been married __________________________________

If less than your age, explain

__________________________________________________________________

__________________________________________________________________

ACCESSORIES SECTION:

A. Do you own or have access to a van? __Yes __No

B. A truck with oversized tires? __Yes __No

C. A waterbed? __Yes __No

D. A pickup with a mattress in the back? __Yes __No

E. A tattoo? __Yes __No

F. Do you have an earring, nose ring, pierced tongue, pierced cheek or a belly button ring? __Yes __No

(IF YOU ANSWERED “YES” TO ANY OF THE ABOVE, DISCONTINUE APPLICATION AND LEAVE PREMISES IMMEDIATELY. I SUGGEST RUNNING.)

ESSAY SECTION:

In 50 words or less, what does “LATE” mean to you?

______________________________________________________________

______________________________________________________________

In 50 words or less, what does “DON’T TOUCH MY DAUGHTER” mean to you?

______________________________________________________________

______________________________________________________________

In 50 words or less, what does “ABSTINENCE” mean to you?

______________________________________________________________

______________________________________________________________

REFERENCES SECTION:

Church you attend _________________________________________________

How often you attend _______________________________________________

When would be the best time to interview your:

father? _____________

mother? _____________

pastor? _____________

SHORT-ANSWER SECTION:

Answer by filling in the blank. Please answer freely, all answers are confidential.

A: If I were shot, the last place I would want shot would be:

______________________________________________________________

B: If I were beaten, the last bone I would want broken is my:

______________________________________________________________

C: A woman’s place is in the:

______________________________________________________________

D: The one thing I hope this application does not ask me about is:

______________________________________________________________

E. What do you want to do IF you grow up?

______________________________________________________________

______________________________________________________________

F. When I meet a girl, the thing I always notice about her first is:

______________________________________________________________

F. What is the current going rate of a hotel room? __________________

I SWEAR THAT ALL INFORMATION SUPPLIED ABOVE IS TRUE AND CORRECT TO THE BEST OF MY KNOWLEDGE UNDER PENALTY OF DEATH, DISMEMBERMENT, NATIVE AMERICAN ANT TORTURE, CRUCIFIXION, ELECTROCUTION, CHINESE WATER TORTURE, RED HOT POKERS, AND HILLARY CLINTON KISS TORTURE.

_________________________________________________________
Applicant’s Signature (that means sign your name, moron!)

_________________________________________________________
Mother’s Signature Father’s Signature

_________________________________________________________
Pastor/Priest/Rabbi State Representative/Congressman

Thank you for your interest, and it had better be genuine and non-sexual. Please allow four to six years for processing.

You will be contacted in writing if you are approved. Please do not try to call or write (since you probably can’t, and it would cause you injury). If your application is rejected, you will be notified by two gentleman wearing white ties carrying violin cases. (you might watch your back) To prepare yourself, start studying Rules for dating my daughter(s).