My kids love Treehouse  the television channel  but like all  children they have  the attention span of  gnats.  For us adults it becomes just background noise to us so we ignore it. However in no time the kids have wandered off and we haven’t them in 10 minutes and for some strange reason we are still watching Treehouse. Realizing that both the kids are playing downstairs with each other we decide to change the channel . No more than 30 seconds after we change the channel the 3 year old wanders  in the room “tweehoose, where is tweehoose” HOW DO THEY KNOW YOU CAN’T EVEN HEAR THE TV DOWNSTAIRS.

This hasn’t happened just once it happens ALL THE TIME

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For Golfers

At dawn the telephone rings.
“Hello, Senor Lucky? This is Ernesto the caretaker at your country house.”
“Ah yes, Ernesto. What can I do for you? Is there a problem?”
“Um, I am just calling to advise you, Senor, that your parrot died.
“My parrot? Dead? The one that won the International competition?”
“Si, Senor,that”s the one.”
“Damn! That”s a pity! I spent a small fortune on that bird. “What did he die from?” “From eating rotten meat, Senor” “Rotten meat? Who the hell fed him rotten meat?”
“Nobody, Senor. He ate the meat of the dead horse.”
“Dead horse? What dead horse?”
“The thoroughbred, Senor Lucky. He died from all that work pulling the water cart.”
“Are you insane? What water cart?”
“The one we used to put out the fire, Senor”
“Good Lord! What fire are you talking about, man?”
“The one at your house, Senor! A candle fell and the curtains caught on fire.”
“What the…..!!! But there”s electricity at the house!!! What was the candle for?”
“For the funeral, Senor.”
WHAT BLOODY FUNERAL?!”
“Your wife”s, Senor…She showed up one night out of the blue and I thought she was a thief, so I hit her with your new Tiger Woods Nike Driver.”
SILENCE……………….

“Ernesto if you broke that driver, you”re in deep shit!”

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Here is an actual sign posted at a golf club in Scottsdale, Arizona:

1. BACK STRAIGHT, KNEES BENT, FEET SHOULDER WIDTH APART.
2. FORM A LOOSE GRIP.
3. KEEP YOUR HEAD DOWN! .
4. AVOID A QUICK BACK SWING.
5. STAY OUT OF THE WATER.
6. TRY NOT TO HIT ANYONE.
7. IF YOU ARE TAKING TOO LONG, LET OTHERS GO AHEAD OF YOU.
8. DON”T STAND DIRECTLY IN FRONT OF OTHERS.
9. QUIET PLEASE…WHILE OTHERS ARE PREPARING TO GO.
10. DON”T TAKE EXTRA STROKES.

WELL DONE - NOW FLUSH THE URINAL, GO OUTSIDE, AND TEE OFF

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Useless facts Part.3

• The liquid inside young coconuts can be used as a substitute for blood plasma.
• No piece of paper can be folded in half more than seven! (7) times.
• Donkeys kill more people annually than plane crashes.
• You burn more calories sleeping than you do watching television.
• Oak trees do not produce acorns until they are fifty (50) years of age or older.
• The liquid inside young coconuts can be used as a substitute for blood plasma.
• No piece of paper can be folded in half more than seven! (7) times.
• Donkeys kill more people annually than plane crashes.
• You burn more calories sleeping than you do watching television.
• • Oak trees do not produce acorns until they are fifty (50) years of age or older.
• The first product to have a bar code was Wrigley”s gum.
• The king of hearts is the only king without a mustache.
• American Airlines saved $40,000 in 1987 by eliminating one (1) olive from each salad served in first-class.
• Venus is the only planet that rotates clockwise.(Since Venus is normally associated with women what does this tell you!)
• Apples, not caffeine, are more efficient at waking you up in the morning.
• Most dust particles in your house are made from dead skin.
• The first owner of the Marlboro Company died of lung cancer. So did the first “Marlboro Man.”
• Walt Disney was afraid of mice.
• Pearls melt in vinegar.
• The three most valuable brand names on earth: Marlboro, Coca Cola, and Budweiser, in that order.
• It is possible to lead a cow upstairs…but not downstairs.
• A duck”s quack doesn”t echo, and no one knows why.
• Dentists have recommended that a toothbrush be kept at least six (6) feet away from a toilet to avoid airborne particles resulting from the flush. (I keep my toothbrush in the living room now!)
• Richard Millhouse Nixon was the first U.S. president whose name contains all the letters from the word “criminal.” The second ? William Jefferson Clinton (Please don”t tell me you”re SURPRISED!?!!)
• And the best for last….. Turtles can breathe through their butts.(I know some people like that; don”t YOU?)
• The king of hearts is the only king without a mustache.
• American Airlines saved $40,000 in 1987 by eliminating one (1) olive from each salad served in first-class.
• Venus is the only planet that rotates clockwise.(Since Venus is normally associated with women what does this tell you!)
• Apples, not caffeine, are more efficient at waking you up in the morning.

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