A missionary who had spent years showing a tribe of natives how to farm and build things to be selfsufficient gets word that he is to return home.

He realizes that the one thing he never taught the natives was how to speak English, so he takes the chief and starts walking in the forest. He points to a tree and says to the chief: “This is a tree.”

The chief looks at the tree and grunts: “Tree.”

The missionary is pleased with the response.

They walk a little farther and the padre points to a rock and says: “This is a rock.”

Hearing this, the chief looks and grunts: “Rock.”

The padre is really getting enthusiastic about the results when he hears a rustling in the bushes. As he peeks over the top, he sees a couple in the midst of heavy romantic activity. The padre is really flustered and quickly responds: “Riding a bike.”

The chief looks at the couple briefly, pulls out his blow gun and kills them!

The padre goes ballistic and yells at the chief that he has spent years teaching the tribe how to be civilized and kind to each other! How could he just kill these people in cold blood that way?

The chief replied: “My bike.”

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Little Johnny's new baby brother was screaming up a storm. He asked his mom, "Where'd we get him?"

His mother replied, "He came from heaven, Johnny."

Johnny says, "WOW! I can see why they threw him out!"

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Sometimes women are overly suspicious of their husbands. When Adam stayed out very late for a few nights, Eve became upset.

"You're running around with other women," she charged.

"You're being unreasonable," Adam responded. "You're the only woman on earth." The quarrel continued until Adam fell asleep, only to be awakened by someone poking him in the chest. It was Eve.

"What do you think you're doing?" Adam demanded.

"Counting your ribs!"

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•I’m Not A Gynecologist But I’ll Take A Look.
•Even Your PokerFace Is Ugly
•I’m Not A Proctologist But I Know An Asshole When I See One
•A Little Birdie Told Me You’re A Dumbass
•Attention! Choking Hazard
•I Don’t Know You, But I’m Pretty Sure I Don’t LIke You.
•Why Are You Still Here? The Stupid People Left Hours Ago.
•Hit It And Quit It
•I Had Your Cake And Ate It Too
•No One Cares About Your Blog!
•Some Idiot Bought Me This Stupid Shirt For Christmas
•What Happens At The Trailer Park… Stays At The Trailer Park!
•If I Gave A Shit, You’d Be The First Person I’d Give It To.
•I’m Just Like You…Only Smarter and Better Looking
•There’s No “I” In Team And There Ain’t No “I” In “Go F Yourself” Either
•I Can Only Please One Person A Day. Today Isn’t Your Day
•Your Trailer Park Called…Their Trash Is Missing
•Your Village Called Their Idiot Is Missing
•Let’s Flip A Coin HeadsI get Tail Tails I Get Head.
•I’m Not Fluent In Idiot So Please Speak Slowly & Clearly
•Despite The Look on My Face You’re Still Talking?
•That’s Mr. Asshole To You
•If I Wanted to Hear From An Asshole I’d Fart
•Tell Me Again How Lucky I Am To Work Here (I Keep Forgetting)
•Your Results Came Back… It’s Not A Tumor.
•To Err Is Human To Blame Someone Else Shows Mgmt Potential
•Everyone Is Born Right Handed, Only The Gifted Overcome It
•I’m Not Santa (But Your Can Still Sit on My Lap)
•Are You Going To Eat That?
•Let Me Drop Everything & Work On Your Problem!
•Mess With Me You Mess With The Whole Trailer Park
•Don’t Rush Me I Get Paid By The Hour
•I’m Not An Alcoholic I’m A Drunk - Alcoholics Go To Meetings
•Wang the Dyslexic Guy Says Yuck Fou
•Don’t Take Life So Seriously. It Isn’t Permanent.
•4 Out Of 3 People Have Trouble With Fractions
•Remember, You’re Unique Like Everybody Else
•My Imaginary Friend Thinks You Have Serious Mental Problems
•This Is My Costume. Now Give Me The Damn Candy
•Alright, Already..I’m Sorry Unfuck You
•I’m Right 98% Of The Time. Who Gives A Crap About The Other 3%
•My Parents Said…I Could Be Anything I Wanted, So I Became Bn Asshole
•I Never Make Mistakes, I Thought I Did Once, But I Was Mistaken
•Here I Am Now What Are Your Other Two Wishes
•Who Are You and Why Are You Reading My Shirt
•Where The Hell Is Easy Street
•I Can See Your Point But I Still Think You’re Full Of Shit.
•I Would Do Me.
•Whatever…
•I Drive Much Too Fast To Worry About Cholesterol!
•Yes, I Have Plenty Of Change You Homeless Piece Of Shit.
•Yes, My Shit Does Stink
•Dora the Whora
•No to Osama, Obama, and Chelsea’s Momma!
•Life’s a bitch. So don’t vote for one. Hillary Clinton.
•San Francisco Zoo / Tony The Tiger
•I Ride The Short Bus
•Can’t Beat The Parking
•I Beat Anorexia
•Rehab Is For Quitters
•Support Your Local Pole Workers
•The Only Mark I’ve Made in Life, Is In My Underwear
•Man Whore
•Dreams Do Come True
•Fu-K You in Sign Language
•Spelling Bee Runnor Up
•Cracker
•Will Turn Tricks For Treats
•Charles Manson
•”Being Crazy Meant Something”
•Rock Out With
•Your Cock Out
•Dyslexics Untie!
•Gun Control Means Using Both Hands
•It’s All Fun & Games ‘Til The Itching & Burning Starts
•I’m Hung Like A Black Man
•Crazy Enough For A Post Office Job
•Fish Naked Show Off Your Pole
•It’s 10 P.M. Do You Know Where Your Girlfriend Is?
•Doesn’t Play Well With Others
•My Butt Itches
•I’m Retired Go Around Me
•Work Harder Millions on Welfare Depend on it!
•I Love Country Music (Hillary Clinton Rebus Puzzle T-Shirt)
•No More Bushit!
•Restraining Orders Are Just Another Way Of Saying I Love You
•Department of Redundancy
•Some Days Its Not Even Worth Chewing Through The Restraints
•Medicated
•If A Man Speaks In The Forest, But There Is No Woman To Hear Him. Is He Still Wrong?
•Priests Rub Me The Wrong Way!
•Work For God The Retirement Benefits Are Great
•Jesus Loves You Everyone Else Thinks You’re An Asshole
•Jesus Loves You But I’m His Favorite
•T-Shirt For Dummies
•Fat People Are Hard To Kidnap
•Have A Nice Day
•Can’t Feed ‘Em? Don’t Breed ‘Em
•For English: Press 1, Para Espanol: Move To Mexico and Press 2
•Please tell your boobs to quit staring at my eyes
•Caution! This Person Makes Wide Right Turns
•Trash
•Caution: Wide Load
•Sometimes I Wonder “Why Is That Frisbee Getting Bigger?”
•Don’t Tase Me, Bro!
•WHASSUUP
•I’d Hit It…And Do Double Damage!
•Real Men Wear Pink
•Embarrassing My Children : Just One More Service I Offer
•I Survived Catholic School
•I’m Huge In Japan
•333 I’m Only Half Evil
•Slave To The Bean
•I’m Confused. No Wait & Maybe I’m Not
•This Is The Worst Day Of My Life Again
•I Eat Paste
•Employee Of The Month
•The Top Ten Reasons I Procrastinate 1.
•Say Hello To My Little Friend(Gnome Shirt)
•Fight The Power Let My People Rise (Gnome Shirt)
•Chillin With My Gnomies
•You Down With OPP? Yeah You Gnome!
•Off-Road Warrior(Golf Cart)
•That’s How I Roll!
•Golfers Handicapped
•All County Mailbox Baseball
•Grab Your Balls We’re Going Bowling
•It Takes A Lot Of Balls To Golf LIke I Do.
•Get Your Daily Dose Of Iron
•There are 3 kinds of people in this world. Those who can count and those who can’t.
•I Put Ketchup On My Ketchup
•I Love Redundancy
•For Good Luck Rub My Tummy
•Whatever It Is I Didn’t Do It
•I Found Jesus(He Was Hiding Behind the Sofa)
•I Used To Be Scizophrenic… But We’re OK Now.
•Who Are These People and Where is My Underwear?

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