The  other day, someone at a store in our town read that a methamphetamine lab had  been found in an old farmhouse in the adjoining county and he asked me a  rhetorical question.

“Why didn’t we  have a drug problem when you and I were growing  up?”

I replied, I had a  drug problem when I was young: I was drug to church on Sunday morning. I was  drug to church for weddings and funerals. I was drug to family reunions and  community socials no matter the weather.

I was drug by my  ears when I was disrespectful to adults. I was also drug to the woodshed when I  disobeyed my parents, told a lie, brought home a bad report card, did not speak  with respect, spoke ill of the teacher or the preacher, or if I didn’t put forth  my best effort in everything that was asked of me.

I was drug to the  kitchen sink to have my mouth washed out with soap if I uttered a  profanity.

I was drug out to  pull weeds in mom’s garden and flowerbeds and cocklebur’s out of dad’s  fields.

I was drug to the  homes of family, friends and neighbors to help out some poor soul who had no one  to mow the yard, repair the clothesline, or chop some firewood; and, if my  mother had ever known that I took a single dime as a tip for this kindness, she  would have drug me back to the woodshed.

Those drugs are  still in my veins and they affect my behavior in everything I do, say, or think.  They are stronger than cocaine, crack, or heroin; and, if today’s children had  this kind of drug problem,The world would be a better place.

THANK GOODNESS  FOR THE PARENTS WHO DRUGGED US.

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A Greek and Italian were arguing over who had the superior culture.

The Greek says, "We have the Parthenon."

Arching his eyebrows, the Italian replies, "We have the Coliseum."

The Greek retorts, "We Greeks gave birth to advanced mathematics"

The Italian, nodding agreement, says, "But we built the Roman Empire."

And so on and so on until the Greek comes up with what he thinks will end the discussion. With a flourish of finality he says, "We invented sex!"

The Italian replies, "That is true, but it was the Italians who introduced it to women."

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To give you an idea of the kind of season we've had, the person who handled our side of the scoreboard was sick for three weeks and nobody noticed.

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A man sits in a bar, reading a newspaper. Suddenly he is tapped on his shoulder by another man: "Excuse me sir, but do you know Mrs. Appleblossom?"

The man folds up his newspaper, coughs slightly and replies: "just a moment sir", after which he takes out a little black notebook. "A, A, A… [finding the name in the book] yes, actually I do know Mrs. Appleblossom.".

He puts the notebook back into his inside pocket picks up the newspaper and continues reading. The other man taps his shoulder again: "Excuse me sir, but have you been to bed with Mrs. Appleblossom?"

The first gent puts the newspaper down again, finds his notebook and checks: "B, B, B… ahh, yes, I have been to bed with Mrs. Appleblossom"

He starts putting the notebook away when he once again is tapped on the shoulder: "Excuse me sir, but I am Mr. Appleblossom, and I am very disappointed"

"D, D, D… ahh… yes sir, so was I!"

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