One day, Little Susie got her monthly bleeding for the first time in her life.

Not quite certain what was happening, and somewhat frightened, she decided to tell Little Johnny. Little Susie dropped her panties and showed Little Johnny what was happening.

Little Johnny's eyes opened wide in amazement. "You know," he said, "I'm not a doctor, but it looks like someone just ripped your balls off!"

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If Architects Had To Work Like Media Designers

A humourous pre read for prospective media clients. Some of the examples in this writing may seem a bit extreme, however it happens in this industry quite often while designing multimedia and web projects. With that in mind enjoy the writing it is quite funny.

Dear Mr. Architect:

Please design and build me a house. I am not quite sure of what I need, so you should use your discretion. My house should have somewhere between two and forty-five bedrooms. Just make sure the plans are such that the bedrooms can be easily added or deleted. When you bring the blueprints to me, I will make the final decision of what I want. Also, bring me the cost breakdown for each configuration so that I can arbitrarily pick one.

Keep in mind that the house I ultimately choose must cost less than the one I am currently living in. Make sure, however, that you correct all the deficiencies that exist in my current house (the floor of my kitchen vibrates when I walk across it, and the walls don’t have nearly enough insulation in them).

As you design, also keep in mind that I want to keep yearly maintenance costs as low as possible. This should mean the incorporation of extra-cost features like aluminum, vinyl, or composite siding. (If you choose not to specify aluminum, be prepared to explain your decision in detail.)

Please take care that modern design practices and the latest materials are used in construction of the house, as I want it to be a showplace for the most up-to-date ideas and methods. Be alerted, however, that kitchen should be designed to accommodate, among other things, my 1952 Gibson refrigerator.

To insure that you are building the correct house for our entire family, make certain that you contact each of our children, and also our in-laws. My mother-in-law will have very strong feelings about how the house should be designed, since she visits us at least once a year. Make sure that you weigh all of these options carefully and come to the right decision. I, however, retain the right to overrule any choices that you make.

Please don’t bother me with small details right now. Your job is to develop the overall plans for the house: get the big picture. At this time, for example, it is not appropriate to be choosing the color of the carpet.

However, keep in mind that my wife likes blue.

Also, do not worry at this time about acquiring the resources to build the house itself. Your first priority is to develop detailed plans and specifications. Once I approve these plans, however, I would expect the house to be under roof within 48 hours.

While you are designing this house specifically for me, keep in mind that sooner or later I will have to sell it to someone else. It therefore should have appeal to a wide variety of potential buyers. Please make sure before you finalize the plans that there is a consensus of the population in my area that they like the features this house has. I advise you to run up and look at my neighbor’s house he constructed last year. We like it a great deal. It has many features that we would also like in our new home, particularly the 75-foot swimming pool. With careful engineering, I believe that you can design this into our new house without impacting the final cost.

Please prepare a complete set of blueprints. It is not necessary at this time to do the real design, since they will be used only for construction bids. Be advised, however, that you will be held accountable for any increase of construction costs as a result of later design changes.

You must be thrilled to be working on as an interesting project as this! To be able to use the latest techniques and materials and to be given such freedom in your designs is something that can’t happen very often. Contact me as soon as possible with your complete ideas and plans.

PS: My wife has just told me that she disagrees with many of the instructions I’ve given you in this letter. As architect, it is your responsibility to resolve these differences. I have tried in the past and have been unable to accomplish this. If you can’t handle this responsibility, I will have to find another architect.

PPS: Perhaps what I need is not a house at all, but a travel trailer. Please advise me as soon as possible if this is the case.
Taken from Biznik.com.

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After an exhaustive review of the research literature, here’s the final
word on nutrition and health:

1. Japanese eat very little fat and suffer fewer heart attacks than us.
2. Mexicans eat a lot of fat and suffer fewer heart attacks than us.
3. Chinese drink very little red wine and suffer fewer heart attacks
than us.
4. Italians drink excessive amounts of red wine and suffer fewer heart
attacks
than us.
5. Germans drink beer and eat lots of sausages and fats and suffer fewer
heart attacks than us.
6. The French drink lots of red wine, eat food loaded with fat; they suffer
fewer heart attacks than us.

CONCLUSION: Eat and drink what you like. Speaking English is apparently
what kills you.

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WD-40 been around before, but good info.

The product began from a search for a rust preventative solvent and degreaser to protect missile parts. WD-40 was created in 1953 by three technicians at the San Diego Rocket Chemical Company. Its name comes from the project that was to find a “water displacement” compound. They were successful with the fortieth formulation, thus WD-40.

The Corvair Company bought it in bulk to protect their Atlas missile parts. The workers were so pleased with the product, they began smuggling (also known as “shrinkage” or “stealing”) it out to use at home. The executives decided there might be a consumer market for it and put it in aerosol cans. The rest, as they say, is history.

It is a carefully guarded recipe known only to four people. Only one of them is the “brew master.” There are about 2.5 million gallons of the stuff manufactured each year. It gets it’s distinctive smell from a fragrance that is added to the brew. Ken East (one of the original founders) says there is nothing in WD-40 that would hurt you.

Here are some of the uses:

*Protects silver from tarnishing
*Cleans and lubricates guitar string
*Gets oil spots off concrete driveways
*Gives floors that ‘just-waxed’ sheen without making it slippery
*Keeps flies off cows - animals
*Restores and cleans chalkboards
*Removes lipstick stains
*Removes stains from stainless steel sinks
*Removes dirt and grime from the barbecue grill
*Keeps ceramic/terra cotta garden pots from oxidizing
*Removes tomato stains from clothing
*Keeps glass shower doors free o f water spots
*Camouflages scratches in ceramic and marble floors
*Keeps scissors working smoothly
*Gives a children’s play gym slide a shine for a super fast slide
*Lubricates gear shift and mower deck lever for ease of handling on riding mowers
*Lubricates tracks in sticking home windows and makes them easier to open
*Spraying an umbrella stem makes it easier to open and close
*Restores and cleans padded leather dashboards in vehicles, as well as vinyl bumpers
*Restores and cleans roof racks on vehicles
*Lubricates and stops squeaks in electric fans
*Lubricates wheel sprockets on tricycles, wagons and bicycles for easy handling
*Lubricates fan belts on washers and dryers and keeps them running smoothly
*Keeps rust from forming on saws and saw blades, and other tools
*Removes splattered grease on stove
*Keeps bathroom mirror from fogging
*Lubricates prosthetic limbs
*Keeps pigeons off the balcony (they hate the smell)
*Removes all traces of duct tape
*I have even heard of folks spraying it on their arms, hands, and knees to relieve arthritis pain.
*Cleans and removes love bugs from grills and bumpers
*The favorite use in the state of New YorkWD-40 protects the Statue of Liberty from the elements.
*WD-40 attracts fish. Spray a LITTLE on live bait or lures and you will be catching the big one in no time. Also it’s a lot cheaper than the chemical attractants that are made for just that purpose. Keep in mind though, using some chemical laced baits or lures for fishing are not allowed in some states.
*Use it for fire ant bites It takes the sting away immediately, and stops the itch.
*WD-40 is great for removi ng crayon from walls. Spray on the mark and wipe with a clean rag.
*Also, if you’ve discovered that your teenage daughter has washed and dried a tube of lipstick with a load of laundry, saturate the lipstick spots with WD-40 and rewash. Presto! Lipstick is gone!
*If you sprayed WD-40 on the distributor cap, it would displace the moisture and allow the car to start.(If I knew what a distributor cap was, it might help)
*WD-40, long known for its ability to remove leftover tape mung (sticky label tape), is also a lovely perfume and air freshener! Sprayed liberally on every hinge in the house, it leaves that distinctive clean fresh scent for up to two days!
*Seriously though, it removes black scuff marks from the kitchen floor!
*Use WD-40 for those nasty tar and scuff marks on flooring. It doesn’t seem to harm the finish and you won’t have to scrub nearly as hard to get them off.
*Just remember to open some windows if you have a lot of marks.
*Bug guts will eat away the finish on your car if not removed quickly! Use WD-40!

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