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Archive for the 'Humour/Jokes' Category

How many forum posters Joke

How many forum posters does it take to change a light bulb?

1 to change the light bulb and to post that the light bulb has been changed.

14 to share similar experiences of changing light bulbs and how the light bulb could have been changed differently

7 to caution about the dangers of changing light bulbs

1 to move it to the Lighting section

2 to argue then move it to the Electricals section

7 to point out spelling/grammar errors in posts about changing light bulbs

5 to flame the spell checkers

3 to correct spelling/grammar flames

6 to argue over whether it’s “lightbulb” or “light bulb” … another 6 to condemn those 6 as stupid

2 industry professionals to inform the group that the proper term is “lamp”

15 know-it-alls who claim they were in the industry, and that “light bulb” is perfectly correct

19 to post that this forum is not about light bulbs and to please take this discussion to a lightbulb forum

11 to defend the posting to this forum saying that we all use light bulbs and therefore the posts are relevant to this forum

36 to debate which method of changing light bulbs is superior, where to buy the best light bulbs, what brand of light bulbs work best for this technique and what brands are faulty

7 to post URL’s where one can see examples of different light bulbs

4 to post that the URL’s were posted incorrectly and then post the corrected URL’s

3 to post about links they found from the URL’s that are relevant to this group which makes light bulbs relevant to this group

13 to link all posts to date, quote them in their entirety including all headers and signatures, and add “Me too”

5 to post to the group that they will no longer post because they cannot handle the light bulb controversy

4 to say “didn’t we go through this already a short time ago?”

13 to say “do a Google search on light bulbs before posting questions about light bulbs”

1 forum lurker to respond to the original post 6 months from now and start it all over again.

Posted in Humour/Jokes | No Comments »

Stupid people

Police in Wichita, Kansas, arrested a 22-year-old man at an airport hotel after he tried to pass two (counterfeit) $16 bills.

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A man in Johannesberg, South Africa, shot his 49-year-old friend in the face, seriously wounding him, while the two practiced shooting beer cans off each other’s head.

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A company trying to continue its five-year perfect safety record showed its workers a film aimed at encouraging the use of safety goggles on the job. According to Industrial Machinery News, the film’s depiction of gory industrial accidents was so graphic that twenty-five workers suffered minor injuries in their rush to leave the screening room. Thirteen others fainted, and one man required seven stitches after he cut his head falling off a chair while watching the film.

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The Chico, California, City Council enacted a ban on nuclear weapons, setting a $500 fine for anyone detonating one within city limits.

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A bus carrying five passengers was hit by a car in St. Louis, but by the time police arrived on the scene, fourteen pedestrians had boarded the bus and had begun to complain of whiplash injuries and back pain.

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Swedish business consultant Ulf af Trolle labored 13 years on a book about Swedish economic solutions. He took the 250-page manuscript to be copied, only to have it reduced to 50,000 strips of paper in seconds when a worker confused the copier with the shredder.

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A convict broke out of jail in Washington D.C., then a few days later accompanied his girlfriend to her trial for robbery. At lunch, he went out for a sandwich. She needed to see him, and thus had him paged. Police officers recognized his name and arrested him as he returned to the courthouse in a car he had stolen over the lunch hour.

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Police in Radnor, Pennsylvania, interrogated a suspect by placing a metal colander on his head and connecting it with wires to a photocopy machine. The message “He’s lying” was placed in the copier, and police pressed the copy button each time they thought the suspect wasn’t telling the truth. Believing the “lie detector” was working, the suspect confessed.

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When two service station attendants in Ionia, Michigan, refused to hand over the cash to an intoxicated robber, the man threatened to call the police. They still refused, so the robber called the police and was arrested.

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A Los Angeles man who later said he was “tired of walking,” stole a steamroller and led police on a 5 mph chase until an officer stepped aboard and brought the vehicle to a stop.

Posted in Humour/Jokes, Why & How | No Comments »

Golf & Marriage

The ever futile power struggle between men and women continues. We have countless lists of women’s rules for men. Like usual they change with the weather, don’t make much sense, and are frankly irrational most of the time. Seriously folks these lists are hilarious and they lighten the days when you get them in your email. However to all the women out there just because an email list says that women act this way it is not an excuse to ACTUALLY DO IT!.

The feud continues as it has for centuries with neither party understanding the other but still feeling a magnetic attraction to each other so they can enter into a life of slavery and never ending battles.

To the men out there we really do ask for it sometimes, I have forever been trying to figure out why men get married or play the game of golf. And for the record I am an avid golfer and have been married for 10 years.

Marriage:
Why do we meet a wonderful girl, have intense physical attraction, enjoy eachothers company and make some pretty awesome memories. Everything is amazing you are happy, she is happy the stars and planets are aligned, things could not be any better. The sex is great, few fights which usually end in make up sex. It’s a perfect union of two complete opposites,MEN and Woman.

Then it happens at some point knowing that everything will change ESPECIALLY our amazing woman, we go out, buy a ring and propose. Knowing full well that women marry men with the intent to change them, and men marry women hoping they dont change and they do. After the wedding there is a short period of bliss and then it begins. The car you had so many fond memories in with together is no longer condusive to a married man and she hates it. The pleading statements “But you always told me you loved my car!” are no help remember the woman in front of you now is not the same one you asked to marry you. Fights end in sleeping on the couch or 3 days of uncomfortable silence and strange looks from across the kitchen.And if you think that all the crazy wild sex you had in the past is going to continue you are sorely mistaken boys IT’s OVER!!!

WHY DO WE WILLINGLY PUT OUR SELVES INTO THIS POSITION! Well to all the women out there I received a great email from my wife that is a simple list of rules of men. Really its simple common sense stuff not so much rules but a guideline for peace and seriously the best way to get the most our of your man! PLEASE ALL WOMEN READ THIS!

Golf:
Just like marriage we fall in love with a game that is destined to put us in an early grave or at best drive us to the brink of insanity. We stand in a HUGE field and try to hit a litte ball with peice of metal on the end of a long stick. Just looking at the physics of what we are doing it’t HARD AS HELL! Then when we don’t defy the odds and make a bad shot we beat ourselves up about it. But week after week we return to the course and bet with our playing partners. The difference with golf though is no matter what happens on the course there is a Beer and a Hot Dog waiting on the ninth hole and we are actually outside getting exercise at the same time.

I GUESS US MEN ARE JUST GLUTTONS FOR PUNISHMENT!

Posted in Golf, Humour/Jokes, Personal, Rants&Thoughts, Why & How | No Comments »

How do kids know?

My kids love Treehouse  the television channel  but like all  children they have  the attention span of  gnats.  For us adults it becomes just background noise to us so we ignore it. However in no time the kids have wandered off and we haven’t them in 10 minutes and for some strange reason we are still watching Treehouse. Realizing that both the kids are playing downstairs with each other we decide to change the channel . No more than 30 seconds after we change the channel the 3 year old wanders  in the room “tweehoose, where is tweehoose” HOW DO THEY KNOW YOU CAN’T EVEN HEAR THE TV DOWNSTAIRS.

This hasn’t happened just once it happens ALL THE TIME

Posted in Humour/Jokes, Why & How | No Comments »

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