The Mayonnaise Jar and 2 Cups of Coffee

When things in your life seem almost too much to handle, when 24 hours in a day are not enough, remember the mayonnaise jar and the 2 cups of coffee.

A professor stood before his philosophy class and had some items in front of him When the class began, he wordlessly picked up a very large and empty mayonnaise jar and proceeded to fill it with golf balls. He then asked the students if the jar was full. They agreed that it was.

The professor then picked up a box of pebbles and poured them into the jar He shook the jar lightly. The pebbles rolled into the open areas between the golf balls. He then asked the students again if the jar was full. They agreed it was.

The professor next picked up a box of sand and poured it into the jar. Of course, the sand f illed up everything else. He asked once more if the jar was full. The students responded with an unanimous “yes.”

The professor then produced two cups of coffee from under the table and poured the entire contents into the jar effectively filling the empty space between the sand. The students laughed.

“Now,” said the professor as the laughter subsided, “I want you to recognize that this jar represents your life. The golf balls are the important things—your family, your children, your health, your friends and your favorite passions—and if everything else was lost and only they remained, your life would still be full.

The pebbles are the other things that matter like your job, your house and your car.

The sand is everything else—the small stuff. “If you put the sand into the jar first,” he continued, “there is no room for the pebbles or the golf balls. The same goes for life. If you spend all your time and energy on the small stuff you will never have room for the things that are important to you.
“Pay attention to the things that are critical to your happiness. Spend time with your children. Spend time with your parents. Visit with grandparents. Take time to get medical checkups. Take your spouse out to dinner. Play another 18. There will always be time to clean the house and fix the disposal. Take care of the golf balls first—the things that really matter. Set your priorities. The rest is just sand.”

One of the students raised her hand and inquired what the coffee represented. The professor smiled and said, “I’m glad you asked.”

The coffee just shows you that no matter how full your life may seem, there’s always room for a couple of cups of coffee with a friend.”

Posted in Humour & Jokes, My Golf stuff, Rants & Thoughts | 1 Comment »

Well yesterday I decided it was time to treat myself to a new Driver (1 Wood). Of to GolfTown I went with the intention of getting myself one of 3 drivers I had picked out. My short list as I went into the store was the Nike Sumo from 2007, The Callaway X460 from 2007 and the Ping G5 from 2007. I get to the store and ask my favorite dealer ( yes I said dealer, golfing is my drug and GolfTown in my dealer ) to help me select the right driver for my swing.

We head through the isles of 2007 model drivers grabbing all kinds of them. I am choosing 2007 models as they retail for around $200 instead of paying over $400 for this years model. Well after a few minutes of feeling like a kid in a candy store we head over to the launch monitor with 6 drivers in hand:

Callaway Big Bertha
Callaway X460
Cleveland HiBore S Flex
Cleveland HiBore R Flex
Cobra Speed 460
Used Titleist 905R

There was no Nike Sumo or Ping G5 in stock so I didn’t bother looking at them.

At the launch monitor.
I begin to swing away with the drivers getting into my groove and getting my average swing speed etc. With an average swing speed of 85MPH topping at 95MPH I decided that the R flex shaft was more consistent and matched to my average swing speed. Most of the drivers were giving me a ball speed of approx 128-130MPH with 3500RPM of spin on the ball. I was now ready to put these drivers through their paces.

Callaway: Both the X460 and the Big Bertha felt much like my current Adams RPM Redline driver with a big 460cc head in the traditional round Volkswagen on the end of a stick feel. Swing speed stayed the same but the consistency of my drives and distances was weak at best. I felt like I was watering the lawn when I look at all the launch paths. These clubs really did not do anything for my striking, when I did feel a miss hit the ball flight was way off center. I was also finding that the launch angle on these clubs was inconsistent for my swing and level of skill ranging from 9″ to 16″ and not really having many consistent drives.

Down to 4

Cleveland: Ok so all my irons are Cleveland TA7, My Wedges are Cleveland reg.588, My fairway wood is Cleveland Launcher steel head 17″ so why not try the Cleveland Driver and my sales guy recommended it so lets try them out. The head on this club is very different and felt smaller than the big head drivers. The design is very aerodynamic and pleasing to the eye. My launch angle was consistently hitting 14″ with 3500-3800 spin and more often than not the ball was in the fairway. I tested both the R flex and S flex shafts but quickly put the S flex away it was not as consistent for my swing as the R. Well this is a shocker I never thought about the HiBore as being in my dwindling list of possible drivers, guess I am a little brain washed by the media for golf.

Cobra Speed: Great reviews, wonderful ad campaign  and promises of longer straighter drives, I figured this was going to be a winner. I pick up the driver and OMG this is the weirdest feeling thing I have ever held. The head on the club is massive and somewhat flattened in comparison to the Callaway’s. Resembling something like a B2 Bomber I take a few swings. Ugh I feel like I can’t control the club head its massive, the sound is a dull thud and I feel totally uncomfortable swinging this mammoth. When I look at the launch monitor it says it all. Terrible across the board, in the NO WAY list you go. Sorry Cobra this is just not the driver for me.

Down to 2

Titelist 905r: This is another of the fat headed drivers that I am a little uncomfortable with but I swing it away anyway to compare with the HiBore R Flex. What a nice club to swing the 905r is, under normal swinging speeds the club is very similar to the HiBore in feel but at impact it still feels much like the Callaway’s and for my swing it does impede the follow through a little. With that said though I could be happy with this club.

Still at 2

Conclusion:
As most purchases do it came down to price, I know the 905r is a “better” driver with a “better” name but a used 905r was over $200 and the Cleveland HiBore Brand new was $188.00 and honestly felt better in my hands. I Grabbed the HiBore and heading to the till. After getting home and unwrapping my new driver I was itching to try it out on the course. I had also just bought my daughter a new set of clubs  so she itching to play as well. Of to the little nine hole course up the road we go  it has  2  par 4’s that  use driver on so why not.  Each of these par 4’s are 265 one is straight and one is uphill. It was a windy day so once the players ahead where on the green I figured I could hit as I have never driven onto the green there before (hit the fringe a few times) I swing a nice smooth average swing, I feel a slight bump as the club head touches the ground slightly but a solid contact and the ball is off. Well half way through the ball flight I am contemplating yelling FORE its climbing and heading right for the green. It was windy and colder and the ground was wet so the ball ended up landing 10 yards short of the green. Chip and Putt for Birdy. Similar experience on the next hole. I love this new Cleveland HiBore thanks Golf Town.

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Why Tiger Why? You could have had it so many times on Sunday. Tiger is the best player in the world hands down and even the best are not perfect. Maybe the years of pressure are getting to him now that he is a family man, maybe a small part of his mind is not focused on the game. I don’t know but in my opinion Tiger Woods putted himself OUT of contention in the Masters this week. On Sunday alone there was 4 short putts that he missed. With Trevor taking double bogey on the 16th and dropping to -8 that would have been enough to force a playoff. So Tiger as one of your fans I was a little disappointed that you didn’t win this week but on the other hand you are the best in the world and you have inspired so many. You have more pressure on you than any other athlete in the world. A bad day for you is finishing 2nd at the Masters for the second year in a row I would not beat yourself up over a few missed putts.

How Tiger Woods got me on the golf course.
I am a huge fan of Tiger Woods, what he has brought to golf is far more than he will ever take from the game. He opened the world’s eyes to a sport that was once saved for the rich and famous. With his style and unmatched performance in the game more and more of the younger generation tuned in to watch him play. By tuning in and seeing this magnificent game play out so many more people that never thought about playing golf would go out and try the game. A game so addictive that once you play and make a couple of good shots you are hooked.

I swore up and down I would never play golf, I however kept hearing about this Tiger Woods. People that didn’t golf would be telling me about him years ago. So I began to watch him play and it was exciting to watch (Who would have thought that golf was an exciting sport to watch?) The inevitable happened, one day I found myself out on a golf course whacking away at a little white ball with a strange looking metal stick. It was over for me right then and there, being out in the fresh air, walking through a HUGE beautiful field and swinging a club. It became my exercise, I don’t go to the gym I play golf. On the average round I walk 6+Km during a round and get loads of exercise.

I continued to play over the last 4 years and with some fantastic chip-ins a Hole in One and seeing my score lower and lower though managing my statistics I now proudly call my self a “GOLFER”. Thank you Tiger for opening the worlds eyes to the “Greatest Game on Earth”.

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The ever futile power struggle between men and women continues. We have countless lists of women’s rules for men. Like usual they change with the weather, don’t make much sense, and are frankly irrational most of the time. Seriously folks these lists are hilarious and they lighten the days when you get them in your email. However to all the women out there just because an email list says that women act this way it is not an excuse to ACTUALLY DO IT!.

The feud continues as it has for centuries with neither party understanding the other but still feeling a magnetic attraction to each other so they can enter into a life of slavery and never ending battles.

To the men out there we really do ask for it sometimes, I have forever been trying to figure out why men get married or play the game of golf. And for the record I am an avid golfer and have been married for 10 years.

Marriage:
Why do we meet a wonderful girl, have intense physical attraction, enjoy eachothers company and make some pretty awesome memories. Everything is amazing you are happy, she is happy the stars and planets are aligned, things could not be any better. The sex is great, few fights which usually end in make up sex. It’s a perfect union of two complete opposites,MEN and Woman.

Then it happens at some point knowing that everything will change ESPECIALLY our amazing woman, we go out, buy a ring and propose. Knowing full well that women marry men with the intent to change them, and men marry women hoping they dont change and they do. After the wedding there is a short period of bliss and then it begins. The car you had so many fond memories in with together is no longer condusive to a married man and she hates it. The pleading statements “But you always told me you loved my car!” are no help remember the woman in front of you now is not the same one you asked to marry you. Fights end in sleeping on the couch or 3 days of uncomfortable silence and strange looks from across the kitchen.And if you think that all the crazy wild sex you had in the past is going to continue you are sorely mistaken boys IT’s OVER!!!

WHY DO WE WILLINGLY PUT OUR SELVES INTO THIS POSITION! Well to all the women out there I received a great email from my wife that is a simple list of rules of men. Really its simple common sense stuff not so much rules but a guideline for peace and seriously the best way to get the most our of your man! PLEASE ALL WOMEN READ THIS!

Golf:
Just like marriage we fall in love with a game that is destined to put us in an early grave or at best drive us to the brink of insanity. We stand in a HUGE field and try to hit a litte ball with peice of metal on the end of a long stick. Just looking at the physics of what we are doing it’t HARD AS HELL! Then when we don’t defy the odds and make a bad shot we beat ourselves up about it. But week after week we return to the course and bet with our playing partners. The difference with golf though is no matter what happens on the course there is a Beer and a Hot Dog waiting on the ninth hole and we are actually outside getting exercise at the same time.

I GUESS US MEN ARE JUST GLUTTONS FOR PUNISHMENT!

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Thanks again to Craig Walters Realestate a client of mine for the invite to sponsor the Old timers hockey Golf Tournament again this year. This year it worked out so that I was able to play in the best ball/scramble at Cedar Hill Golf Course.

These scrambles are always a lot of fun, my team was a pretty solid group of players and we had a great strategy going into the first hole of the round. This strategy and some fantastic golf shots netted us a T1(tie for first) with a score of -10 on a par 67 course.

The Cedar hill cooks had an amazing buffet lunch with some Grade A steaks, taters, mushrooms and all the trimmings. The food was fantastic, the weather turned out wonderful, great golf and tonnes of fun.

I look forward to next years tournament.

Posted in My Golf stuff, Personal | No Comments »

Well I have nothing witty or important to say today and I’m sitting here on the edge of my seat watching golf, Tiger Woods 10 holes in and down by 3 in the 3rd round. This man is the most talented athlete in the world and 3 down is nothing for him, so go Tiger go and let see you going into Sunday in the lead and keep your streak going.

I’m rooting for you to win Tiger Woods keep it going…

||UPDATE||
Well the universe must be aligned for Tiger, as he struggles against a growing number of birdies and eagles in the field being made by players getting closer to the leaders. The Miami sky opens up and heavy rains postpone play until tomorrow. Just when he needs it Tiger gets a break from play to regroup and plan his game for his Sunday Red performance at Doral. Could have been better timing on the weather if I didn’t know better you would say this athlete not only has superior control over him own mind but he can even will the rain when he needs it. (No don’t go thinking I believe that someone can will it to rain when they need it but WOW what a stoke of convenient luck)

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Well after a 3month hiatus from playing this spectacular game that I enjoy so much I returned to the course today. Expecting high scores and lost balls I went into the round with a clear mind and no scoring expectations.

I step up to the first tee and take a few practice swings. Everything feels great, just like riding a bike. I teed up the ball and made my first swing. It was clean and solid just a little right but a safe play.

My game continued like this for most of the round with only the odd bad shot. I was a quite happy with my self until about the 8th hole when things were falling apart. During a wait at number 11 I was thinking about my swing and realized that I had started to speed up my back swing and was loosing control of the club face coming through the ball.

I slowed my back swing down again and I was flying true and straight, even getting a little draw with the irons. I guess the lesson here is after being away from the game for so long you tend to be a little more cautious when you step out again . That caution is what allows your body to swing correctly without having your ego and your brain get in the way.

Now if only I could keep myself from trying to kill the ball I would be able to break 80. As my confidence increases so does my swing speed and exponentially my accuracy goes down. On a side note a smooth clean swing will always produce a longer and straighter shot than a wild full out swing. Well at least at my playing level it will.

Golf Lesson: No matter how well you are playing or how much you want that extra 10 yards, always keep you swing smooth and easy. 10-20Yards shorter but in the fairway is better than even 30 yards extra and unplayable. Don’t let you confidence and your mind get in the way of a natural smooth swing.

Posted in HowTo & Tips, My Golf stuff, Personal | 1 Comment »

Confession of a golfer

A nun was sitting with her Mother Superior chatting.”Mother Superior, I used some horrible language this week and feel absolutely terrible about it.” “When did you use this awful language?” asked the elder.

“Well, I was golfing and hit an incredible drive that was going to go 280 yards, but it struck a phone line over the fairway and straight down to the ground after only 100 yards.”

“And that”s when you swore?”

“No, Mother,” says the nun. After that, a squirrel ran out of the bushes and grabbed my ball in its mouth and began to run away.”

“And THAT”S when you swore?” asked the Mother Superior.

“Well, no,” says the nun. “You see, as the squirrel was running, an eagle came down out of the sky, grabbed the squirrel in his talons and began to fly away!”

“Is THAT when you swore?” asked the amazed elder nun.

“No. As the eagle carried the squirrel away in its claws, it flew near the green and the squirrel dropped my ball.”

“Did you swear THEN?” asked Mother Superior impatiently.

“No, because the ball fell on a big rock, bounced over the sand trap, rolled onto the green and stopped about six inches from the hole.”

The two nuns were silent for a moment.

Mother Superior sighed, “You missed the f*****g putt, didn’t you?”

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For Golfers

At dawn the telephone rings.
“Hello, Senor Lucky? This is Ernesto the caretaker at your country house.”
“Ah yes, Ernesto. What can I do for you? Is there a problem?”
“Um, I am just calling to advise you, Senor, that your parrot died.
“My parrot? Dead? The one that won the International competition?”
“Si, Senor,that”s the one.”
“Damn! That”s a pity! I spent a small fortune on that bird. “What did he die from?” “From eating rotten meat, Senor” “Rotten meat? Who the hell fed him rotten meat?”
“Nobody, Senor. He ate the meat of the dead horse.”
“Dead horse? What dead horse?”
“The thoroughbred, Senor Lucky. He died from all that work pulling the water cart.”
“Are you insane? What water cart?”
“The one we used to put out the fire, Senor”
“Good Lord! What fire are you talking about, man?”
“The one at your house, Senor! A candle fell and the curtains caught on fire.”
“What the…..!!! But there”s electricity at the house!!! What was the candle for?”
“For the funeral, Senor.”
WHAT BLOODY FUNERAL?!”
“Your wife”s, Senor…She showed up one night out of the blue and I thought she was a thief, so I hit her with your new Tiger Woods Nike Driver.”
SILENCE……………….

“Ernesto if you broke that driver, you”re in deep shit!”

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Here is an actual sign posted at a golf club in Scottsdale, Arizona:

1. BACK STRAIGHT, KNEES BENT, FEET SHOULDER WIDTH APART.
2. FORM A LOOSE GRIP.
3. KEEP YOUR HEAD DOWN! .
4. AVOID A QUICK BACK SWING.
5. STAY OUT OF THE WATER.
6. TRY NOT TO HIT ANYONE.
7. IF YOU ARE TAKING TOO LONG, LET OTHERS GO AHEAD OF YOU.
8. DON”T STAND DIRECTLY IN FRONT OF OTHERS.
9. QUIET PLEASE…WHILE OTHERS ARE PREPARING TO GO.
10. DON”T TAKE EXTRA STROKES.

WELL DONE - NOW FLUSH THE URINAL, GO OUTSIDE, AND TEE OFF

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