Top 80 Things to Do While Working at a CG Company…
Compiled by Unknown
1. Complain about what a fool your producer is.
2. Complain about how stupid your client is.
3. Toss around made-up words like “variance” and “multi bias” to confuse your producer and client; laugh about it behind their back.
4. Challenge coworkers to “Wrestle for Rendering Time”.
5. Complain about ILM.
6. Send your reel to ILM.
7. Complain about how little money you make.
8. Insist that “TD” stands for “Top Dog”.
9. Stop by company owner’s office every morning, announce “Employee 17 reporting for duty!”
10. Wait.
11. Start renders on other people’s machines
12. Play your favorite AIFF file of Herve Villachez on other people’s machines.
13. Shake your head, repeat “Sounds like carpal tunnel to me”.
14. Hack your neighbor’s .CSHRC, deny it was you when you’re accused of it.
15. Change your least favorite person’s login icon to a picture of Don Knotts
16. Constantly insist that CD stands for Carnal Desire.
17. Insist that you worked on T2.
18. Taunt your mouse.
19. Call 7-Eleven, insist they deliver.
20. Slowly ramp down a co-workers gamma to black over the course of the day.
21. Insist that your business card be printed with job title “Digital Stud”
22. Write top 50 lists.
23. Learn every line from every Monty Python movie, prove your knowledge.
24. Throw fruit.
25. Mail nasty letters to the boss from through someone elses e-mail account.
26. Carry around a suction cup gun so you go around shooting all the monitor screens.
27. Go to someone elses office, lean their phone receiver’s ear piece against the screen until the colors are permanently shifted.
28. On the night before delivery, change the paths for the texture directories on someone elses’ project.
29. Play Network Doom.
30. Wait.
31. Repeatedly peer over cubicle wall, shriek “Peek-a-Boo!!!”
32. When boss brings around visitors to your area, hide under desk and make kitten noises.
33. Shout “Eureka!!” every time you press the Enter key.
34. Refuse to enter your machine in the render que for religious reasons.
35. Bring candied apples to yearly review.
36. Leave tunafish sandwich in desk drawer, sniff suspiciously at anyone that stops by your desk.
37. Secretly replace office coffee brand with Folger’s Crystals.
38. “Sacrifice” doughnut to “Voltar, 5 Headed god of Vertex Shading”.
39. Leer at office receptionist, propose private session of “motion capture”.
40. When watching TV or movies with co-workers, claim to have done an internship at that company. Drop names.
41. Claim to have written your own programming language, but it was stolen by “that damn Bill Gates”.
42. Do Tai Chi while standing on top of desk.
43. Scooch around office rug to build up static electricity, then demand $5 or you’ll zap the Reality Engine.
44. Wear flowing black cape, only work at night
45. Flip eyelids inside out, run down the hallway screaming “THE GAMMA RAYS!!! AAAAAAAAA!!!”
46. When ever someone asks you “How’d you do that?”, answer them, “I learned this demonology from Doug Henning, master illusionist!”
47. Be a devoted fan of “Babylon 5″.
48. Wait.
49. Drink Jolt and eat Skittles all day, act like “Cornholio”.
50. Before critique, replace animation reel with episode of “Baywatch”, see if they notice.
51. Blare porno soundtrack music from your stereo, claim it’s “inspiring”.
52. Create super heros with the qualities of your profession called, “Mouse Ass and Gamma Head”.
53. Tell everyone you were in Toy Story, “I played the cowboy”.
54. Program someone else’s machine to say “I love you” in the low baritone voice of Barry White every time he clicks on the mouse.
55. Go around the office and “mark your territory”.
56. Wear scuba suit and carry frisbee around office, claim to be “TRON”, here to save the users.
57. Roll up your pants and roll down your socks. Say you’re just pretending, then walk in circles repeatedly.
58. While in the bathroom, start singing that spider song. When you get to “climbs up the water spout”, yell “Ooooowwwwwww! I think she just laid her eggs!”
59. When you know someone is standing behind you or looking at you, start picking your nose and sing “Some of these things are not like the other…” Then suddenly turn their way and show them that it’s the truth.
60. Squirt Krazy Glue on coworkers mouse, watch the zanyness that ensues.
61. Watch “Showgirls” in the editing room, argue that it’s for reference.
62. Every day at lunch, stand atop your desk and slowly ungilate as you play “air guitar” to the sounds of Enya and the sound track to Jurassic Park.
63. Have toilet paper dispenser installed in your office. Tell people “It’s in case of System Failure”
64. Use your office as a garage to store your Gardening Equipment.
65. Wait.
66. Rent Advertisment space on the front of your desk to Kraft. Your desk would read, “…It’s the Cheesiest!”
67. Tell your producer that if he wants you to work faster, you must be spanked.
68. Throw a dart at a world map and wherever the dart lands, send e-mail to that country all day trying to make “net” friends.
69. Have a blatantly re-touched photo on your desk of you and Steven Spielberg baking cookies together.
70. Remove all your clothing, claim that you must be as one with your SGI.
71. Hide video recording of project night before due date, force producers to solve a series of fiendish puzzles to find it.
72. Make co-workers mouse ultra sensitive so the arrow on the screen moves at supersonic speeds and is too fast to be visible to the human eye.
73. Wait.
74. Use 3d digitizer to encode your butt. Try to sneak this model into all company projects.
75. Dress like Oliver Twist, ask boss for more coal.
76. Sit in bathroom stall and bellow “CORE DUMP!!!”
77. Giggle whenever anybody says “Unix”
78. Sneak in to someones empty office, smear honey on the telephone’s receiver, go back to your office and when the other person returns to his office, call him and try to speak to him about a serious topic like the environment or ask him if he’s seen your jar of honey.
79. Dream about that ever-elusive 79th thing to do.
80. One word: Lambada!
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