I don’t normally rant publicly about things that bother me, usually I just wander aimlessly about the house and yell at inanimate objects. Frustrated at the idiocity* of the human race. However this particular thing that bothers me about people is worthy of posting so here goes.

*Idiocity - YES I know this word is not found in the English dictionary. Read the following as I believe it should be entered into both the medical journals and dictionary.

id-i-oc-ity /idiocity/ Pronunciation Key - Show Spelled Pronunciation[id-ee-uh-sit-ee]
-noun

1. the disease which cause people to be idiots.
2. Psychology. a person of the lowest order in a former classification of mental retardation, having a mental age of less than three years old and an intelligence quotient under 25.

[Origin: Derived from the -noun IDIOT idiocity is a mental disorder that plagues a large percentage of the general population. Relief from the symptoms can be found in education, listening and study however there is no cure beyond that of common sense]
-Synonyms 1. fool, half-wit; imbecile; dolt, dunce, numskull.

The Rant Read Full Post >>

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The hosting server went down for 3 days causing all of my sites to go down, I apologize to the readers for the downtime. We are all back up and running now and I am transferring to a more reliable server and hosting service this week. I will get back to posting more fun stuff this week.

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A couple whose marriage was going on the rocks sought the advice of a marriage counsellor. The counsellor pleaded with them to patch up their quarrel, but they were adamant.

“So,” said the counsellor, “you know the consequences and you want to part. Remember this. You must divide your property equally.”

The wife flared up. “You mean the $4,000 I have saved up? I must give him half? My money?”

“Yes,” said the counsellor. “He gets $2,000. You get $2,000.”

“What about my furniture? I paid for that.”

“Same thing,” answered the counsellor. “Your husband gets the bedroom and the living room; you get the dining room and the kitchen.”

There was a challenging gleam in the wife’s eye. “What about our three children?”

That stumped him. Shrewdly he assayed the situation, then he came up with a Solomonic answer. “Go back and live together until your fourth
child is born. Then you take two children and your husband takes two.”

The wife shook her head. “No, I’m sure that wouldn’t work out. If I depended on him, I wouldn’t have the three I got.”

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Well the much anticipated release of Dragonlance - Dragons of Autumn Twilight was On Jan 15th. I have finally had a chance to see it. Here is my review of the film (no spoilers).

Casting - The major members of the party are the only ones that I will be rating.

Michael Rosenbaum - Tanthalas ‘Tanis’ Half-Elven (voice) Rating - 3/5
Kiefer Sutherland - Raistlin Majere (voice) - Rating 5/5
Lucy Lawless - Goldmoon (voice) - Rating 4/5
Fred Tatasciore - Flint Fireforge / Fewmaster Toede (voice) Flint Rating 1/5 Fewmaster Rating 4/5
Michelle Trachtenberg - Tika (voice) - Rating 3/5
Rino Romano - Caramon Majere (voice) - Rating 0/5 WTF Someone had a brain fart here.
Jason Marsden - Tasslehoff Burrfoot (voice) - Rating 3/5
Neil Ross - Fizban The Fabulous (voice) - Rating 2/5
Marc Worden - Sturm Brightblade (voice) - Rating 2/5
Phil LaMarr - Riverwind / Gilthanas (voice) - Rating 3/5

The Good

Finally there is a release of a movie based on a book that kept so true to the story. The unfortunate thing with this movie is that the rest of the production did not live up to the potential of the story. Here are the reasons for the previous statement.

The Bad

1. Poor blend of 3D and traditional animation styles. This is a tricky method of producing a film and this one was just not done right. The stylized characters did not match the CG Draconians and Dragons in the film.
2. Awkward animation, very jerky and not fluid. With todays technology including motion-capture and photo realistic rendering It’s disappointing that a story with such potential ended up looking the way this production did. It looked like animation from the 80’s reminiscent of the original LOTR Cartoon.
3. Poor camera work and angles. This stems back to the poor blend of 2D and 3D animation techniques. With 3D techniques there is no limit to the work with the camera. Why this production did not make use of the available technology today is beyond me.
4. Poor selection of music for the score, not much else I can say about that.
5. Acting, with the list of actors in the movie I would have expected better voice acting. It seemed like the actors had no emotional bond with the characters. Very much like reading from a script and not living the part.

Overall I have to fail this movie considering the era of its release. If released in the 80’s this movie might have been acceptable but as an animator and artist myself I am extremely disappointed in the production quality of the film. I was hoping for so much more

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Confession of a golfer

A nun was sitting with her Mother Superior chatting.”Mother Superior, I used some horrible language this week and feel absolutely terrible about it.” “When did you use this awful language?” asked the elder.

“Well, I was golfing and hit an incredible drive that was going to go 280 yards, but it struck a phone line over the fairway and straight down to the ground after only 100 yards.”

“And that”s when you swore?”

“No, Mother,” says the nun. After that, a squirrel ran out of the bushes and grabbed my ball in its mouth and began to run away.”

“And THAT”S when you swore?” asked the Mother Superior.

“Well, no,” says the nun. “You see, as the squirrel was running, an eagle came down out of the sky, grabbed the squirrel in his talons and began to fly away!”

“Is THAT when you swore?” asked the amazed elder nun.

“No. As the eagle carried the squirrel away in its claws, it flew near the green and the squirrel dropped my ball.”

“Did you swear THEN?” asked Mother Superior impatiently.

“No, because the ball fell on a big rock, bounced over the sand trap, rolled onto the green and stopped about six inches from the hole.”

The two nuns were silent for a moment.

Mother Superior sighed, “You missed the f*****g putt, didn’t you?”

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For Golfers

At dawn the telephone rings.
“Hello, Senor Lucky? This is Ernesto the caretaker at your country house.”
“Ah yes, Ernesto. What can I do for you? Is there a problem?”
“Um, I am just calling to advise you, Senor, that your parrot died.
“My parrot? Dead? The one that won the International competition?”
“Si, Senor,that”s the one.”
“Damn! That”s a pity! I spent a small fortune on that bird. “What did he die from?” “From eating rotten meat, Senor” “Rotten meat? Who the hell fed him rotten meat?”
“Nobody, Senor. He ate the meat of the dead horse.”
“Dead horse? What dead horse?”
“The thoroughbred, Senor Lucky. He died from all that work pulling the water cart.”
“Are you insane? What water cart?”
“The one we used to put out the fire, Senor”
“Good Lord! What fire are you talking about, man?”
“The one at your house, Senor! A candle fell and the curtains caught on fire.”
“What the…..!!! But there”s electricity at the house!!! What was the candle for?”
“For the funeral, Senor.”
WHAT BLOODY FUNERAL?!”
“Your wife”s, Senor…She showed up one night out of the blue and I thought she was a thief, so I hit her with your new Tiger Woods Nike Driver.”
SILENCE……………….

“Ernesto if you broke that driver, you”re in deep shit!”

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Here is an actual sign posted at a golf club in Scottsdale, Arizona:

1. BACK STRAIGHT, KNEES BENT, FEET SHOULDER WIDTH APART.
2. FORM A LOOSE GRIP.
3. KEEP YOUR HEAD DOWN! .
4. AVOID A QUICK BACK SWING.
5. STAY OUT OF THE WATER.
6. TRY NOT TO HIT ANYONE.
7. IF YOU ARE TAKING TOO LONG, LET OTHERS GO AHEAD OF YOU.
8. DON”T STAND DIRECTLY IN FRONT OF OTHERS.
9. QUIET PLEASE…WHILE OTHERS ARE PREPARING TO GO.
10. DON”T TAKE EXTRA STROKES.

WELL DONE - NOW FLUSH THE URINAL, GO OUTSIDE, AND TEE OFF

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Useless facts Part.3

• The liquid inside young coconuts can be used as a substitute for blood plasma.
• No piece of paper can be folded in half more than seven! (7) times.
• Donkeys kill more people annually than plane crashes.
• You burn more calories sleeping than you do watching television.
• Oak trees do not produce acorns until they are fifty (50) years of age or older.
• The liquid inside young coconuts can be used as a substitute for blood plasma.
• No piece of paper can be folded in half more than seven! (7) times.
• Donkeys kill more people annually than plane crashes.
• You burn more calories sleeping than you do watching television.
• • Oak trees do not produce acorns until they are fifty (50) years of age or older.
• The first product to have a bar code was Wrigley”s gum.
• The king of hearts is the only king without a mustache.
• American Airlines saved $40,000 in 1987 by eliminating one (1) olive from each salad served in first-class.
• Venus is the only planet that rotates clockwise.(Since Venus is normally associated with women what does this tell you!)
• Apples, not caffeine, are more efficient at waking you up in the morning.
• Most dust particles in your house are made from dead skin.
• The first owner of the Marlboro Company died of lung cancer. So did the first “Marlboro Man.”
• Walt Disney was afraid of mice.
• Pearls melt in vinegar.
• The three most valuable brand names on earth: Marlboro, Coca Cola, and Budweiser, in that order.
• It is possible to lead a cow upstairs…but not downstairs.
• A duck”s quack doesn”t echo, and no one knows why.
• Dentists have recommended that a toothbrush be kept at least six (6) feet away from a toilet to avoid airborne particles resulting from the flush. (I keep my toothbrush in the living room now!)
• Richard Millhouse Nixon was the first U.S. president whose name contains all the letters from the word “criminal.” The second ? William Jefferson Clinton (Please don”t tell me you”re SURPRISED!?!!)
• And the best for last….. Turtles can breathe through their butts.(I know some people like that; don”t YOU?)
• The king of hearts is the only king without a mustache.
• American Airlines saved $40,000 in 1987 by eliminating one (1) olive from each salad served in first-class.
• Venus is the only planet that rotates clockwise.(Since Venus is normally associated with women what does this tell you!)
• Apples, not caffeine, are more efficient at waking you up in the morning.

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Useless Facts Part 2

• If you yelled for 8 years, 7 months and 6 days you would have produced enough sound energy to heat one cup of coffee.(Hardly seems worth it)
• If you farted consistently for 6 years and 9 months, enough gas is produced to create the energy of an atomic bomb.(Now that”s more like it!)
• The human heart creates enough pressure when it pumps out to the body to squirt blood 30 feet.(O.M.G.!)
• A pig”s orgasm lasts 30 minutes.(In my next life, I want to be a pig)
• A cockroach will live nine days without its head before it starves to death.(Creepy.)(I”m still not over the pig.)
• Banging your head against a wall uses 150 calories an hour.(Don”t try this at home, maybe at work)
• The male praying mantis cannot copulate while its head is attached to its body. The female initiates sex by ripping the male”s head off.(”Honey, I”m home. What the…?!”)
• The flea can jump 350 times its body length. It”s like a human jumping the length of a football field.(30 minutes..lucky pig! Can you imagine?)
• The catfish has over 27,000 taste buds.(What could be so tasty on the bottom of a pond ? )
• Some lions mate over 50 times a day.(I still want to be a pig in my next life…quality over quantity)
• Butterflies taste with their feet.(Something I always wanted to know.)
• The strongest muscle in the body is the tongue.(Hmmmmmm……)
• Right-handed people live, on average, nine years longer than left-handed people.(If you”re ambidextrous, do you split the difference?)
• Elephants are the only animals that cannot jump.(okay, so that would be a good thing)
• A cat”s urine glows under a black light.(I wonder who was paid to figure that out?)
• An ostrich”s eye is bigger than its brain.( I know some people like that.)
• Starfish have no brains (I know some people like that too.)
• Polar bears are left-handed.(If they switch, they”ll live a lot longer)
• Humans and dolphins are the only species that have sex for pleasure.(What about that pig??)

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Useless Facts Part 1

• A dime has 118 ridges around the edge.
• A cat has 32 muscles in each ear.
• A crocodile cannot stick out its tongue.
• A dragonfly has a life span of 24 hours.
• A goldfish has a memory span of three seconds.
• A “jiffy” is an actual unit of time for 1/100th of a second.
• A shark is the only fish that can blink with both eyes.
• A snail can sleep for three years.
• Al Capones”s business card said he was a used furniture dealer.
• All 50 states are listed across the top of the Lincoln Memorial on the back of the $5 bill.
• Almonds are a member of the peach family.
• An ostrich”s eye is bigger than its brain.
• Babies are born without kneecaps. They don”t appear until the child reaches 2 to 6 years of age.
• Butterflies taste with their feet.
• Cats have over one hundred vocal sounds. Dogs only have about 10.
• “Dreamt” is the only English word that ends in the letters “mt”.
• February 1865 is the only month in recorded history not to have a full moon.
• In the last 4,000 years, no new animals have been domesticated.
• If the population of China walked past you, in single file, the line would never end because of the rate of reproduction.
• If you are an average American, in your whole life, you will spend an average of 6 months waiting at red lights.
• It”s impossible to sneeze with your eyes open.
• Leonardo Da Vinci invented the scissors.
• Maine is the only state whose name is just one syllable.
• No word in the English language rhymes with month, orange, silver, or purple.
• On a Canadian two dollar bill, the flag flying over the Parliament building is an American flag.
• Our eyes are always the same size from birth, but our nose and ears never stop growing.
• Peanuts are one of the ingredients of dynamite Rubber bands last longer when refrigerated.
• “Stewardesses” is the longest word typed with only the left hand and “lollipop” with your right.
• The average person”s left hand does 56% of the typing.
• The cruise liner, QE2, moves only six inches for each gallon of diesel that it burns.
• The microwave was invented after a researcher walked by a radar tube and a chocolate bar melted in his pocket.
• The sentence: “The quick brown fox jumps over the lazy dog” uses every letter of the alphabet.
• The winter of 1932 was so cold that Niagara Falls froze completely solid.
• The words “racecar,” “kayak” and “level” are the same whether they are read left to right or right to left (palindromes).
• There are 293 ways to make change for a dollar.
• There are more chickens than people in the world.
• There are only four words in the English language which end in “dous”: tremendous, horrendous, stupendous, and hazardous .
• There are two words in the English language that have all five vowels in order: “abstemious” and “facetious.”
• There”s no Betty Rubble in the Flintstones Chewables Vitamins.
• Tigers have striped skin, not just striped fur.
• TYPEWRITER is the longest word that can be made using the letters only on one row of the keyboard.
• Winston Churchill was born in a ladies” room during a dance.
• Women blink nearly twice as much as men.
• Your stomach has to produce a new layer of mucus every two weeks; otherwise it will digest itself.

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