The inner chaos of a web guy's mind.
3D Animation
Tiger Woods PGA 2009 Review – XBox360 *UPDATE*
Aug 30th
Well the much awaited release of Tiger Woods PGA Tour 2009 is out and now that I have my X-Box 360 copy and have played my way through a portion of it, I figured it was time for a review. The game applied an update to my system in order to play the game. (No need to download from server, update was on the disk).
Graphics
The graphics seem to have gotten an update and are more realistic than in previous versions. I still find that the graphics are lacking vs. the PC version with better anti-aliasing and color reproduction. The characters textures are a little more detailed than I have seen in previous versions. The water is terrible however, with today’s technology you would expect that the water in the game would be of much higher caliber.
The course graphics and textures seem to be a lot more photo real however there are still shots that show really bad detail such as texture stretching and pixelation. Certain views have a close up of the planar mapped trees with the low quality alpha channeled edges in the forefront of the camera. The grass geometry is lacking in closeups, on the PC versions their seemed to be much more grass detail all but hiding the polygon surface making up the ground.
Animation and sound is much better than previous versions, the sounds are less annoying and the clubs strikes are more accurate sounding than I have seen in other versions.
GamePlay
This is where the major changes were made in the game with the inclusion of the instructor with custom drills, automatic attribute adjustments and club tuning. The AI seems to have been left the same as it was in 2006 till now. The same feeling of predetermined outcomes during certain events on balanced mode. An easy shot to win the whole during the Tiger Challenge and you strike the ball perfectly on the swing plane. The ball does not follow a proper ball flight and ends up out of bounds or in a sand trap, only to have the CPU opponent make an unbelievable shot to win the hole. The opposite also happens when you miss hit a ball so badly but it takes the right line and drops for an unexpected birdie. The A.I. gets even more annoying as you progress through the game into the higher opponents when making that shot is even more important.
*UPDATE* Now more than 50% into the game I have never seen such terrible A.I., it is completely inconsistent and illogical. More and more shots are just completely off what the physics of golf should be. The putting line that you can use one time is all but useless on a lot of putts. For example it tells me the ball is going to go 20 feet past the hole if I hit it full power. I drop the power to a leave it short of the hole because it is down hill and the ball still rolls all the way off the green and down the fairway 200′. The slope on the green was not even that much. The same thing happens the next round on that same hole the ball travels the same distance yet I reduced the power to nothing more than a tap. Mario Golf has better A.I. (Physics) at times than TGW2009. I feel like EA is just going through the motions on this one and releasing the same game with some very minor updates each year.
Overall Impressions
I am not really impressed with the latest release in this franchise although I am enjoying playing it on the X-Box. I think that has more to do with the big screen LCD and being able to lounge on the couch while playing than it does with the game play itself. With some real effort needs to be put into this this franchise to make it become photo realistic and more accurate simulation, in the near future. Some real though however does need to be put into the A.I. Or maybe EA just needs some competition in this genre of game?
Glitches/Problems
I have found no glitches other than those listed in A.I. review. However I did find that the game would freeze once in a while during loading events in Tiger Challenge causing me to have to restart the XBox360. *After some more testing I found that the freeze occurs when you are offered the drills after a round and you complete one or more but not all of the drills. If you only complete a portion of the drills listed and then press “B” to get back the previous menu the loading will freeze.
I would give the game a 5.5/10 there are some things that are just not as nice as the PC version. And I cant get over the rubberband illogical A.I.
FutureMark Vantage review
Apr 28th
Well Future Mark the premiere benchmarking for gaming systems has released yet another of their benchmark applications. The trends in these benchmarking tools has been pretty solid getting progressively more appealing as the hardware is able to handle more information and graphics. The process of installing and running the application is getting more tedious as the versions get pumped out. The latest in the franchise is a Vista DirectX 10 benchmark utility. I was excited to try this one out and could not wait to see what advancements they had made in the visuals using DirectX 10.
Download and Install
The download was extremely quick using the free download path and ran upwards of 500kbs. It took a few minutes to download the 450MB file. When running the application it installed with no problems to the x86 directory on my 64bit Vista install. When I tried to run the application it loaded the window and then displayed a page not found error. When running benchmarks I disable all firewall and anti virus to maximize free cpu and ram. After a couple more attempts to run it the page finally displayed. Much to my dismay it was a page with ordering options and no prices. The free trial is now only a one time use, the multi use if $6.95 and the rest I didn’t bother looking at. So I register the onetime use for free, open the email and copy the registration code into the text field. INVALID REGISTRATION CODE. WTF this is the code they just sent. I try it again with the same copy paste and it works. So far not a very stable application and quite annoying to get running.
System Specs
Intel Quadcore QX6700 Extreme 2.66ghz
8GB Corsair XMS2 DDR2 Ram
Geforce 8800GTX 768MB DDR3
Gigabyte DQ6 Mainboard.
WD 74GB 10K rpm Raptor OS Drive
Windows Vista x64 Business
The Tests
After what seems an eternity the tests load up. I sit back to watch DirectX 10 at it’s finest. The first test was a pretty lame scene in a watery room with some characters running around. The models and textures are reminiscent of Lara Croft a few generations back from the current game. Poor weighting on the models and low quality textures. The water is non reflective and terrible. The bloom and anti aliasing was horrible and looked like it was way over done to hide the poor workmanship on the scene. An average frame rate of 12fps was had, On my system I was not impressed at all, I mean seriously I play Crysis on this system at a higher frame rate.
The second test was a space scene that had the same over bloomed effect. The scene felt like it was a look how many asteroids with poor textures we can fit in one scene. A cheap camera fly through in the scene and a couple of ships flying by. The planet in the background was neat however it seemed as though there was a poor texture seam on the mapping. Frame rates on this test were bouncing from 8FPS to 22FPS. Still not very impressed with the benchmark so far.
Test 3 is some airplanes doing a pylon race. OMG the graphics are horrible there seems no point in even having this test in there. It is testing the CPU capabilities using a crappy background and some lowpoly planes buzzing around dough nuts. Totally unimpressed. The final test was a similar scene to test PhysX using CPU and software rendering. Pointless looking test and brought the system to a crawl.
Results
Well now that I won’t get those precious minutes of my life back and being permanently scared emotionally by the garbage graphics I just sat through. I anxiously await my score. Click here to view your score online, Oh yeah I forgot that FutureMark stopped showing your score unless you go on the site and compare against other testers. I click the link and nothing happens, the application hangs and then displays an error pop-up. I click the link a second time and finally the page opens after what seems like an eternity. The results where disheartening to say the least. My machine was a middle of the road setup, and to add salt to the wound the software did not even recognize my CPU as the EXTREME edition.
Conclusion
Two thumbs down on this waste of bandwidth. Actually I think this garbage has ruined FutureMark for me all together. I will never again use this benchmarking utility again. This is a prime example of what happens to so many great tools and applications. The more popular it gets the worse it gets as versions are released. Maybe it is bureaucracy or greed getting in the way. Whatever it is shame on you for letting a great benchmark tool degrade into such crap.
Video game morality
Mar 27th
I love video games, the escape and the entertainment factor of playing games. Half-Life 2, Homeworld, Blaster Ball, Call of Duty, there are an infinite number of game titles that populate the shelves of retailers of the world. A large number of these games actually teach our kids some great motor skills and a lot of them are very educational games that can aid in our children’s development.
There comes a time though when the moral question of “just because we can should we?” comes up. Society in general has failed to provide the right answer to this question on many occasions. Lets take one game that disturbs me to no end, which has pushed the limits of this morality question.
The Grand Theft Auto – Series.
OMG this entire series should be banned from all retailers and all copies systematically destroyed. Rockstar Games and Take-two Interactive the major publishers of this filth should be put under close scrutiny when publishing any new games in the future. The parents that allow their children to play these games should be forced into parenting classes. Come on people what are you thinking allowing your kids to be educated by this morally corrupt garbage. This game allows and even rewards it’s players for terrorist like behavior, assaulting innocent people and law enforcement officers. You get rewarded with money for luring prostitutes into your car and beating them in the back seat.
Come on people this is utter filth and pointless, why would any company want to be affiliated with a complete lack of morality praising the behaviors that we as a society are trying to stop. We try and teach our children morals and appropriate behavior but then allow them to play video games that they are exposed to are teaching them to complete opposite. Its like training to be a criminal, Microsoft came under fire for the accuracy in the flight simulator series after the 9-11 attacks. You have got to be kidding me about this crap, our kids are playing GTA and training to be total criminals and rewarded for abhorrent behavior but a game that actually educated and prepares out children for future careers in aviation comes under fire. Grab a freaking brain people how does a game like GTA stay in production and is able to release so many sequels. This a time when censorship is well needed and yet it fails to protect our youth from this utterly barbaric crap.
I know what some will say, what makes Half-Life, Battlefield, Call of Duty, Rainbow Six, and many other Violent titles with a mature rating different from GTA. Well incase you can’t figure this out for yourself, I’ll spell it out for you. These other games involve surviving through attacks from alien races that DON’T exist, defending from bad guys (terrorists) in rainbow six, reliving previous wars in the Call of duty series and guess what you are penalized for taking an innocent life. If that isn’t enough difference for you these games have limits of what you can do in them. GTA has no limits of how morally corrupt the player can become.
It is our responsibility as adults and parents to teach and mold our children into the people that they deserve to be. Guidance and education, discipline and consequence where have these values gone when we are raising our children. Video games and television are major influences in our children’s lives and that is not going to go away. We need to make sure that what we allow them play and allow them to watch programming that teaches them correct values and helps them to make the right decisions in life. I’m not condoning complete censorship of everything as I am a firm believer of freedom of speech. However there should be some moral standards held when publishing products targeted at our children.
Primeval Review
Mar 25th
I have just started watching a British made television series “Primeval“. The show has aired its second season now and for a show that originally looked as if it was going to be another Sir Arthur Conan Doyles “Lost World” I was pleasantly surprised. The character interaction and acting is pretty good, the premise for the show is this; rifts/portals in the 4rth dimension that are letting creatures in from prehistoric and future eras. An interesting team of archaeologists, reptile specialists and a secret organization are dedicated to keeping the events from the media so as not to cause wide spread panic. The sultry Lucy Brown is the liaison between the team and the secret organization. Kinda like Special Unit 2 and X-Files. The special effects for the creatures is extremely well done for a Television production. The only complaint I have is that this show only has 6 or 7 episodes per season.
In conclusion this show has everything to make it a success, good acting, attractive cast, an awesome story, great CG creatures and top notch character interaction and development. This is a must see for anyone interested in getting away from the reality show garbage that is polluting out televisions.
CAST:
Douglas Henshall…Professor Nick Cutter
Andrew Lee Potts…Connor Temple
James Murray …Stephen Hart
Hannah Spearritt…Abby Maitland
Lucy Brown …Claudia Brown
Juliet Aubrey …Helen Cutter
Ben Miller …Sir James Lester
Karl Theobald …Oliver Leek
Naomi Bentley …Caroline
Mark Wakeling …Capt. Tom Ryan
I am appealing to everyone reading my blog to tune into this show on whatever channel it airs in your city so that it stays on the air and we can continue to enjoy some quality television for a change.
The best commercial EVER!
Mar 24th
Well OK not the best ever but Michael Bay is totally the coolest director ever and a guys guy. This guy knows where it’s at in the movie industry. And yes I know a lot of you are complaining because he does a lot of quick cuts and fast action, it keeps the mind active and interest in the movie. He’s not doing it to hide bad special effects cause seriously Transformers had no bad effects. It’s his style and I for one love it. Keep up the good work I can’t wait for Transformers the Sequel.
Surface Season 2 and others…
Feb 23rd
Ok I just finished watching yet another of a great series of television shows that got canceled. Quality television is being destroyed by the new crap list of reality show filth that is polluting out televisions.
The show that has gotten me so outraged again was the 2006 cancellation of Surface after 15 episodes and a cliff hanger ending that left us fans begging for more. I feel like screaming at the executives of NBC and wring their necks until they at least finish the series off. I have watched this series 3 times now and each time I have trouble conceiving what pencil pushing MORON made the decision to not continue the show. This series had quality acting, a GREAT story, intellectual stimulating content, phenomenal characters and even a lovable CG seas monster named “NIM(rod)” the show had it all. So why did it get canceled after only one season?
The answer is simple the onslaught of the reality crap such as Americas Next Top Model, Bachelor, Big Brother giving people a glimmer of hope that they too could be on television disgusts me to know end. Have we become such a pathetic and brainless group of television viewers that we can’t even enjoy a plot based story any more. We are reduced to escaping our dreary lives by living through the filth blatantly scripted so called reality TV.
I for one HATE “reality” television shows I miss the good old days of TV in the 80’s when we had shows that we could enjoy even though we know that they could never happen. Lately there have been so many great shows that have been canceled after only 1 or two seasons that I am losing all faith in television. Threshold, Special Unit 2, Surface, Traveler, Drive and many other shows that never got a chance because the majority of the population that make up the rating are two busy dreaming about being the next no talent singer on “American Idol”.
I have also made an open offer to donate MY and MY companies time to help with production of Surface Season 2 if need be to help get this show back on the air. I am capable of putting together CG animation and Editing/Compositing Teams to complete post production for the show if the filming of episodes was completed and raw tapes handed over to us. Well that is my rant about television if you want to help try and get Surface back on the air visit these sites to help drive traffic and signatures into the hand of the people that can make it happen.
http://www.ipetitions.com/petition/Surface/
http://www.tv.com/surface/show/32412/surface-season-2/topic/14502-228705/msgs.html
Working in 3D again
Feb 21st
Well after a couple of years of web design and DVD production I am again working on a 3D project. Racerocks Digital is working on an upcoming television series and has asked me to help with modeling and preparation of the 3D cars that will be used in the series. Once aired I will post some images of the work and a video sample from the show.
It’s so good to be back into the CG scene again. I look forward to more work in the future. Web design will of course always be available through my company Mk2 Solutions. But my passion has been 3D for Television and Film. The show we have been working on with RaceRocks Digital is called Fringe by J. J. Abrams.
Dragonlance(2008) Movie Review
Jan 19th
Well the much anticipated release of Dragonlance – Dragons of Autumn Twilight was On Jan 15th. I have finally had a chance to see it. Here is my review of the film (no spoilers).
Casting – The major members of the party are the only ones that I will be rating.
Michael Rosenbaum – Tanthalas ‘Tanis’ Half-Elven (voice) Rating – 3/5
Kiefer Sutherland – Raistlin Majere (voice) – Rating 5/5
Lucy Lawless – Goldmoon (voice) – Rating 4/5
Fred Tatasciore - Flint Fireforge / Fewmaster Toede (voice) Flint Rating 1/5 Fewmaster Rating 4/5
Michelle Trachtenberg – Tika (voice) – Rating 3/5
Rino Romano – Caramon Majere (voice) – Rating 0/5 WTF Someone had a brain fart here.
Jason Marsden – Tasslehoff Burrfoot (voice) – Rating 3/5
Neil Ross – Fizban The Fabulous (voice) – Rating 2/5
Marc Worden – Sturm Brightblade (voice) – Rating 2/5
Phil LaMarr – Riverwind / Gilthanas (voice) – Rating 3/5
The Good
Finally there is a release of a movie based on a book that kept so true to the story. The unfortunate thing with this movie is that the rest of the production did not live up to the potential of the story. Here are the reasons for the previous statement.
The Bad
- Poor blend of 3D and traditional animation styles. This is a tricky method of producing a film and this one was just not done right. The stylized characters did not match the CG Draconians and Dragons in the film.
- Awkward animation, very jerky and not fluid. With todays technology including motion-capture and photo realistic rendering It’s disappointing that a story with such potential ended up looking the way this production did. It looked like animation from the 80’s reminiscent of the original LOTR Cartoon.
- Poor camera work and angles. This stems back to the poor blend of 2D and 3D animation techniques. With 3D techniques there is no limit to the work with the camera. Why this production did not make use of the available technology today is beyond me.
- Poor selection of music for the score, not much else I can say about that.
- Acting, with the list of actors in the movie I would have expected better voice acting. It seemed like the actors had no emotional bond with the characters. Very much like reading from a script and not living the part.
Overall I have to fail this movie considering the era of its release. If released in the 80’s this movie might have been acceptable but as an animator and artist myself I am extremely disappointed in the production quality of the film. I was hoping for so much more 
Top 80 things to do at animation studio
Jan 9th
Top 80 Things to Do While Working at a CG Company…
Compiled by Unknown
1. Complain about what a fool your producer is.
2. Complain about how stupid your client is.
3. Toss around made-up words like “variance” and “multi bias” to confuse your producer and client; laugh about it behind their back.
4. Challenge coworkers to “Wrestle for Rendering Time”.
5. Complain about ILM.
6. Send your reel to ILM.
7. Complain about how little money you make.
8. Insist that “TD” stands for “Top Dog”.
9. Stop by company owner’s office every morning, announce “Employee 17 reporting for duty!”
10. Wait.
11. Start renders on other people’s machines
12. Play your favorite AIFF file of Herve Villachez on other people’s machines.
13. Shake your head, repeat “Sounds like carpal tunnel to me”.
14. Hack your neighbor’s .CSHRC, deny it was you when you’re accused of it.
15. Change your least favorite person’s login icon to a picture of Don Knotts
16. Constantly insist that CD stands for Carnal Desire.
17. Insist that you worked on T2.
18. Taunt your mouse.
19. Call 7-Eleven, insist they deliver.
20. Slowly ramp down a co-workers gamma to black over the course of the day.
21. Insist that your business card be printed with job title “Digital Stud”
22. Write top 50 lists.
23. Learn every line from every Monty Python movie, prove your knowledge.
24. Throw fruit.
25. Mail nasty letters to the boss from through someone elses e-mail account.
26. Carry around a suction cup gun so you go around shooting all the monitor screens.
27. Go to someone elses office, lean their phone receiver’s ear piece against the screen until the colors are permanently shifted.
28. On the night before delivery, change the paths for the texture directories on someone elses’ project.
29. Play Network Doom.
30. Wait.
31. Repeatedly peer over cubicle wall, shriek “Peek-a-Boo!!!”
32. When boss brings around visitors to your area, hide under desk and make kitten noises.
33. Shout “Eureka!!” every time you press the Enter key.
34. Refuse to enter your machine in the render que for religious reasons.
35. Bring candied apples to yearly review.
36. Leave tunafish sandwich in desk drawer, sniff suspiciously at anyone that stops by your desk.
37. Secretly replace office coffee brand with Folger’s Crystals.
38. “Sacrifice” doughnut to “Voltar, 5 Headed god of Vertex Shading”.
39. Leer at office receptionist, propose private session of “motion capture”.
40. When watching TV or movies with co-workers, claim to have done an internship at that company. Drop names.
41. Claim to have written your own programming language, but it was stolen by “that damn Bill Gates”.
42. Do Tai Chi while standing on top of desk.
43. Scooch around office rug to build up static electricity, then demand $5 or you’ll zap the Reality Engine.
44. Wear flowing black cape, only work at night
45. Flip eyelids inside out, run down the hallway screaming “THE GAMMA RAYS!!! AAAAAAAAA!!!”
46. When ever someone asks you “How’d you do that?”, answer them, “I learned this demonology from Doug Henning, master illusionist!”
47. Be a devoted fan of “Babylon 5″.
48. Wait.
49. Drink Jolt and eat Skittles all day, act like “Cornholio”.
50. Before critique, replace animation reel with episode of “Baywatch”, see if they notice.
51. Blare porno soundtrack music from your stereo, claim it’s “inspiring”.
52. Create super heros with the qualities of your profession called, “Mouse Ass and Gamma Head”.
53. Tell everyone you were in Toy Story, “I played the cowboy”.
54. Program someone else’s machine to say “I love you” in the low baritone voice of Barry White every time he clicks on the mouse.
55. Go around the office and “mark your territory”.
56. Wear scuba suit and carry frisbee around office, claim to be “TRON”, here to save the users.
57. Roll up your pants and roll down your socks. Say you’re just pretending, then walk in circles repeatedly.
58. While in the bathroom, start singing that spider song. When you get to “climbs up the water spout”, yell “Ooooowwwwwww! I think she just laid her eggs!”
59. When you know someone is standing behind you or looking at you, start picking your nose and sing “Some of these things are not like the other…” Then suddenly turn their way and show them that it’s the truth.
60. Squirt Krazy Glue on coworkers mouse, watch the zanyness that ensues.
61. Watch “Showgirls” in the editing room, argue that it’s for reference.
62. Every day at lunch, stand atop your desk and slowly ungilate as you play “air guitar” to the sounds of Enya and the sound track to Jurassic Park.
63. Have toilet paper dispenser installed in your office. Tell people “It’s in case of System Failure”
64. Use your office as a garage to store your Gardening Equipment.
65. Wait.
66. Rent Advertisment space on the front of your desk to Kraft. Your desk would read, “…It’s the Cheesiest!”
67. Tell your producer that if he wants you to work faster, you must be spanked.
68. Throw a dart at a world map and wherever the dart lands, send e-mail to that country all day trying to make “net” friends.
69. Have a blatantly re-touched photo on your desk of you and Steven Spielberg baking cookies together.
70. Remove all your clothing, claim that you must be as one with your SGI.
71. Hide video recording of project night before due date, force producers to solve a series of fiendish puzzles to find it.
72. Make co-workers mouse ultra sensitive so the arrow on the screen moves at supersonic speeds and is too fast to be visible to the human eye.
73. Wait.
74. Use 3d digitizer to encode your butt. Try to sneak this model into all company projects.
75. Dress like Oliver Twist, ask boss for more coal.
76. Sit in bathroom stall and bellow “CORE DUMP!!!”
77. Giggle whenever anybody says “Unix”
78. Sneak in to someones empty office, smear honey on the telephone’s receiver, go back to your office and when the other person returns to his office, call him and try to speak to him about a serious topic like the environment or ask him if he’s seen your jar of honey.
79. Dream about that ever-elusive 79th thing to do.
80. One word: Lambada!
Signs you work at an animation company
Jan 9th
Signs You Work at a Computer Animation Company…
Compiled by Unknown
1. Frappaccino soon leads the way to “Frappimation”
2. You frantically click on your window trying to make it “pop” in front of a post-it pad you stuck on your screen the night before.
3. There are more toys in the offices than at a toy factory.
4. Dan Rather presents a lengthy report on the CG industry simply to have the opportunity to label you as “Techno-Nerds” (at night he giggles with his imaginary friend, Tootles).
5. You get a cut on your finger and you begin bleeding coffee from your gaping wound.
6. You begin to believe that pigs can talk, (No, I mean REALLY talk). None of this CG crap!
7. In your cubicle, you have an audience of fellow employees emitting “OOoooo”’s and “Aaaahhhhh”’s when your “fireworks” screen saver starts up.
8. The pets about the building get “paged” through the paging system. “Fido, to the back door.. . Fido, to the back door, please.. . and stay!”
9. Your CD player becomes your best friend. “*sniff.. you never let me down!”
10. Your only window to the outside world is, Discovery.com.
11. Mommy and Daddy stop laughing at you because you’re making “cartoons” when you tell them how much more you’re making than they are.
12. You get teary eyed whenever you see your first commercial on TV.
13. You’ve uttered the phrase “Man, TRON would look so cool if they made it today!”
14. You realize that you don’t see movies for the plot anymore, just to see the cool effects.
15. You sneer at people that don’t know what SIGGRAPH stands for.
16. You actually think that classic cel-animated cartoons would look so much neater as 3D characters.
17. You wake up every morning at 4:53 screaming with nightmares of intersecting polygons.
18. You can hold meaningful, insightful, and intelligent conversations via e-mail, but stutter and gibber like a baboon when faced with an attractive member of the opposite sex.
19. You begin to put less and less emphasis on your physical appearance, and more and more emphasis on your understanding of particle systems.
20. You actually believe that high pay and fancy benefits are an even trade-off for your social life.
21. You have a nice car, a kick-ass home theater system, and a great apartment. Unfortunately, you never have time to enjoy them.
22. You pet your desk lamp and call it “Luxo Jr. “
23. Programmers and animators form seperate tribes, each fearing and distrusting the other. Formal meetings must be organized to communicate effectively, during which only the person holding the conch may speak.
24. You giggle hysterically every time you watch “Jurassic Park”, and that girl says “This is a Unix system! I know Unix!”, and proceeds to play with the `Buttonfly’ demo.
25. When you get drunk, you get philisophical about Star Wars and Star Trek.
26. You find yourself writing a “You know you’re working at a CG company when.. . ” list.
27. Your most important expressions of individualism are your . login icon and . signature file.
28. No matter how many times you explain to your parents what you do, they still tell people that you “make cartoons”.
29. You’ve become comfortable with the fact that your skin has become more pale then the soft squishy skin under an old Band-Aid.
30. Everyone is walking around with more wrist straps and bandages than a Tennis pro.
31. You have so many “ergonomic” supports that your body never comes in contact with your desk or floor around it.
32. You spend more time and effort decorating your office cubicle than you do your apartment.
33. Your tiny computer costs more than your car.
34. Spanking isn’t exciting anymore.
35. Your teeth become plyably soft from all the soda you drink.
36. Your client pays most for effects that are seen least.
37. You’ll eat anything as long as they deliver.
38. You never hear the pages because you have your headphones on.
39. You netsearch a supermodel’s name, then proceed to fantasize about how maybe you would meet, and how she would realize what a sensitive and attractive person you are, and you’d date, and she’d come into the office and make all the rest of the guys jealous, but then you’d get in a fight about how you work late all the time, and she would walk out on you, and you’d be heartbroken and crying, and.. no.. . never mind.. .. it’s too painful to talk about.. ..
40. You would seriously consider quitting if the boss cut off your Netscape privileges.
41. You actually say “I don’t have time to date somebody right now. I have a deadline to meet!”
42. Your favorite coffee cup has some Unix or SGI logo on it.
43. You criticize “Reboot” because they don’t render the shadows.
4. You own a Nerf weapon of some sort and keep it next to your desk.
45. You find you’re the only one left in the theater watching ALL the final credits.
46. Most of your wardrobe consists of t-shirts from various animation studios.
47. You have more recruiters calling you than most college football players.
48. Programmers walk around with necklaces made of the ears of those who find bugs in the system.
49. You speak to no one unless they submit their message via e-mail.
50. When you name your pet something stupid like “GIF” or “WEB”
51. You point at the movie/TV screen and blurt out, “We did that”.
52. Your CD collection triples in size every year.
53. Your importance is measured by the number of people that you are on a first name basis with that work in the industry. “Hey, George (Lucas). How’s the the ol’ R2-unit!”
54. Half the people in your company eat nothing but alphalfa sprouts and raw bran.
55. Bottled water is a staple of daily life.
56. When you ask for an office with a window, they laugh at you.
57. When you get your office with a window in it, it’s Windows `95.
58. Family, what family?
59. Your office attire consists of ripped jeans, a Simpsons t-shirt, and a pair of sandles.
60. You’ve got a stack of 5 or more little tin boxes of Altoids somewhere near your desk.
61. The weekly massage lady awaits you.. .. .. .. .. Ahhhhhhhhh.. .. .
62. You actually feel a twinge of guilt if you don’t go to work during the weekend.
63. Every day around 4:30, you have the urge to throw off all your clothes and run willy-nilly through the hallways screaming “LOOK OUT! I’M MANIMAL!! PART MAN, PART ANIMAL!! GROWL GROWL!!!” oh, wait, maybe that’s just me.. .
64. Every time your computer crashes, you perform a voodoo ritual to purge the bad joo-joo involving a Twinkie, 14 thumbtacks, some flat Fresca, and a lock of Nipsey Russel’s hair.
65. You make fun of the new guy who is still using JOT instead of VI, and call him imaginative names like “Jotboy”
66. You’ve got to plan your vacation at least a year in advance so it doesn’t conflict with a deadline.
67. Every time you switch companies, your salary goes up more than your parents’ yearly income.
68. You’d rather have your head stapled to the rug than wear a business suit to work.
69. Frappuccino has taken over your life and has you driving to the Coffee shop every twenty minutes to get your fix of that amazing, cold, smooth, tempting, tasty.. .. OOooo.. .. must fight urge.. .. . can’t lift arms.. .. .. . must get .. .. . Frap.. pucc.. .. AAAAAAAHHHHHHhhhhhhh.. .. .. ..
70. You find yourself touching buttons, punching keys, toggling mice, and looking at monitors LIKE you care.
71. You consider the sunset on your Mailbox to be “scenery”.
72. You spend more time customizing your window icons than talking to other members of the human race.
73. You’ve got more soundbites in your home space than Herbie Hancock.
74. You feel no shame in saying “I’ve spent the past 3 weeks tweaking the fur shaders on the bunny’s tail. “
75. It’s not at all uncommon for you to go grocery shopping at 11:30 pm, and you only buy stuff like “Hot Pockets” or frozen burritos.
76. You truly believe that the ad would look so much better if only those idiot clients would just shut up and let you do the job.
77. Most of your communication with old friends is forwarded joke e-mail.
78. You’ve actually signed and forwarded that “Save Sesame Street” petition.
79. You’ve got a 30 second sound clip of the Simpsons or Beavis & Butthead that plays every time e-mail arrives.
80. Your only hopes for dating are:
1) If somebody really great HAPPENS to start working at the company. This rarely succeeds, because you both know how many hours you have to work all the time.
2) Somebody really great works in/near the same building as you. This rarely succeeds, because they’ll soon learn what a complete workaholic you are.
3) You’re hit by a bus, forget everything about your former life, fall in love, and live happily ever after in the countryside, raising emus for fun and profit. This rarely happens, because people usually die after being hit by buses.
81. Your computer’s name becomes more and more complicated as the years go by: “Yep, I’m working on a new Indigo 2 Extreme Sudden Impact Raptor Talon with Cheese. “
82. Cups, pens, co-workers have permanently adhered to your desk from all the soda you’ve spilt on it.
83. You enjoy the free breakfast and lunch every.. .. .. . oh, wait.. . that’s just Dreamworks. Darn!
84. People call you by your login-in name, a name that you haven’t used since you were two.
85. Your company’s name has something like “Dream” or “Quest” or something silly nilly in it having to do with dreaming or sleeping or some other biological function.
86. All the Art Directors have Mad Cow Disease.. .. well at least you wish they did.
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